EH, In most cases, they won't come out and apologize. They will come out w/statements such as what your xh has stated to you. They have learned how to be conflict avoiders and rather than say "I'm sorry", they come up w/statements that sweeps the situation under the rug.
EH, don't rush into setting up a meeting w/him. You have to be ready to meet w/him, to hear what he has to say. Maybe you aren't ready to do so. If you aren't, then don't meet w/him. If you are, suggest a coffee shop so that it's not a long meeting for the first time....let me assure you, you will know when you are ready to meet w/him. You've been hurt terribly and you are afraid of being burned again. I can understand that...
Let me share w/you the experience that I had when I shared a meal w/my xh 6 years ago. He had already been gone 6 yrs and married to the ow for 3. We met in a small town. We sat down, ordered our meal (I insisted on separate checks), and we discussed my sister's children for a bit. Once the meal arrived, all he talked about was himself, the selling of his grandparents' home, and more about himself. He looked terrible. Oh, he did remember that I use to shop on Black Friday, etc. Not one word about marrying the ow, but he continued to twist this very tight band on his hand, so I knew he wanted me to ask...but I didn't. When the checks arrived, I pulled out my money, but he had to search his wallet and I guess he didn't have any money, so he used a credit card for his wings and draft beer. Maybe he was hoping that would take care of the bill like I use to when we were married. Did I volunteer to pay his bill? Absolutely not. When we walked to the parking lot, I wished him well and as I drove away, all I could think about was that I was correct about him being stuck in mlc. As I arrived home, the only thing I could think about was that he was now her problem.
Was I nervous about the meeting? Sure, because he had been one nasty mlcer, but I knew I needed closure and for me that was actually seeing him up close and hearing the garbage coming from his mouth. How do I feel about him today? I treat him like the salesman in a car dealership.
EH, if you should ever meet w/him, listen to him and watch his body language. Can he look you in the eye? The body language says it all in most cases. You will be given the opportunity to say what is on your mind and in your heart, but it shouldn't be done at the very first meeting...timing is everything and trust me, God will let you know when the time is right.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
