Together since we were 15.

[Jenna333]

Our interactions today had me reeling. If anyone has any insight, please share it with me.

When he came to get the kids today, he said I looked amazing (in my sweater dress and new boots). He was grumpy, though. I asked him to please quit being snippy with the kids and I. He called me into the kitchen while saying, "Do you want to know why I'm angry? I'll tell you." I went into the kitchen and he said he's angry because of this, and he gestured to me. He said he's angry because I'm changing so much and I didn't while we were together. He said that everything seems to be falling into place for me, while he's stuck in limbo. He said everything in his life turns to [censored], and that this shouldn't surprise him. Basically he told me that he's jealous of me. He was crying while telling me all of this. He said it is crappy that we couldn't have figured ourselves out years ago, because we could have been great together.

That is when I made the mistake of saying that it wasn't too late. He looked at me and said, "I'm nit coming back to you right now. I don't know what I want." I hate that I let my mind wander there. He isn't wanting to come home. Yes jealous that I'm happier than he is. That is because I'm working in myself, while he is wallowing in self-pity. I just told him that there's a silver lining in everything, and that he has to create his own happiness. He just acts like he can't while living at his mom's and is unhappy at work. He told me that he doesn't like not being able to vent/talk to me anymore, and he can't open up like that to anyone else. He said that it's weird because we were best friends. He said he wants to be friends, but understands that it won't happen for a while. I told him that his anger towards me is pushing me away, and he said that he isn't meaning to...then he said, "We aren't supposed to be close."

So weird trying to get used to this. He once again asked if I'm going out tonight. I told him that that's not his business. He said to tell him where I'll be so he doesn't run into me. He said the same thing when I went out (and lasted under an hour) 2 weeks ago. I'm still not really ready to go out like that.

He is feeling regretful about the past, to the point where he feels angry and even cries, but won't even consider a future with me. Well, he just says not anytime soon. He got to the point today where he was pissed to even look at me, and told me to leave him alone. I was not bugging him, for what it's worth. I hardly said anything. He was pissed all on his own because he's seeing that I'm changing and creating my own happiness and that he isn't.

[Jenna333]

Basically, he said his decision wasn't bad, but limboland is. Cry me a damn river. He chose this. He knew it wouldn't be rises for a while.

[Jenna333]

*Roses. Please excuse the autocorrected typos.

[BklynMom]

You need to work on just saying "I understand how/why you feel that way" rather than saying anything about getting back together.

Keep doing what you are doing, go sloooow

[Jenna333]

I did tell him that I understood why he felt that way. I have a lot of the same feelings.

[Jenna333]

Is his behavior typical?

[greenblue90]

It's typical for WAW's to resent the LBS when they start DBing and end up in better shape than them. Afterall he was running away from you.

He thought the grass was greener on the other side and now feels worthless, jealous, and angry, because the grass on your side got greener as soon as he left.

He may be reluctant to return because he's not sure your changes are permanent. Give him time to sort himself out. Right now only he can pull himself out of the pit he dug for himself.

He needs time to properly sort it out. You need a partner who is mature and ready to do his part as a parent and a partner. This will take a while, feel free to vent and post, just don't expect things to change quickly.

[Jenna333]

I forgot to mention that he's noticed my 180s and isn't reacting positively to them. He actually said that he feels I'm messing with his head I had wine the other night, and that threw him for a loop because I could never enjoy drinking with him. I didn't trust him around alcohol. He'd often take it too far. I trust myself, and I'm learning to get to know myself as an adult without the limitations I had placed on myself during our R. I'm not shoving any changes in his face. I'm starting school in just over 2 weeks, I'll start training for my part-time job in Feb. I'm trying to get on with my life and detach!

[Jenna333]

I texted him this morning to tell him that the affidavit of paternity papers were sent back because we can't witness each other's signatures (duh, but he said we could and I was too raw to argue). He called back a few minutes ago to figure that out. He wanted his best friend to come over to witness, and I said no. This friend and I have never really gotten along, and I know he's supporting ex in this. It just angers me to think about. He was also often with ex while he was out and about behind my back. I'm having a friend of mine over to witness, and ex is fine with it.

After figuring that out, the first thing he said to me was to ask me if I went out last night. Can I just bang my head against a wall now? Yesterday he asked if I was planning on going out, and I firmly told him that it wasn't his business, and he said I was right. I told him the same thing today, and he said I was right, then asked himself a question out loud: "Why am I even asking you that?" It shows that he was thinking about me last night, just like he was when I went out a couple of weeks ago. I know he went out all night long. I'm sure he's hungover today. Ugh. I'm sure when we see him tomorrow (not seeing him today), that he'll ask me again. He's an intelligent guy, but he sure can be dense sometimes. A part of me is glad that he cares, but again I am not sure of his motives.

I could tell that he had thought about what we talked about yesterday, with him being angry and jealous about where my life is going and where his isn't. He apologized to me on the phone today, and said he wants me to know that he's truly proud of me. He said he wishes we could be friends right now, but he knows it isn't possible. He said he knows that this is hard on us both.

Gag me. I am having a really hard time being polite and friendly and chatty with him lately. I think I'm feeling impatient. And confused. He has quit being flirty with me since I stopped being so friendly with him. A part of me is truly sad about it. This is just all so much to take in I know I need to work on being friendly and chatty, but the way he's been acting around me with regard to my positive changes has been upsetting me, and it's really colored our interactions. It's hard to be friendly to someone who tells you they feel you're messing with their head and it's not fair that everything is falling into place for me and not him. Then he apologizes? I just hate this sea of confusion!

I need to work harder on detaching. It just kills me when he talks about wishing we could be friends. I want MORE than that, and it's so foreign to me that he doesn't. The second we were done talking about official business, he jumped straight to asking me if I went out. I'm coming across detached, for sure, but I think I'm also coming across as bitter. I don't want to come across that way. I don't want to feel that way. I don't like that when he talks to me, he can sound so sweet and undertanding. I hate that he can sound that way when talking about wanting to be friends. He used to not want to imagine his life without me by his side.

[greenblue90]

He's angry because you're making him face the consequences of his choices. Expect him to get worse. It's going to be tough, but that's what he chose. Remind yourself that, and him if he gets angry at you. He has the power to end all this, but he won't.

Now I found your comment about the wine a little troublesome. What did you mean by not trusting him? Was he a violent or reckless drunk?

Or did he used to use wine in an attempt to get you in bed? I ask because if this is the case you probably need to re-examine the way you two communicated especially when it comes to things like sex. Was your sex life a complaint of his when he left? How did this make you feel? What was your general attitude towards sex with him?

In many situations one partner can only get themselves in the mood with alcohol, eventually the other partner catches on and starts trying to get the other to drink. The low desire partner catches on, resents their partner and starts avoiding alcohol. Maybe I'm reading too much into this, just ask yourself of this is you, and how a dynamic like this led to him walking away.

That being said you have a lot to be proud about with your new changes, but have you stopped to ask yourself what you are doing to be a better partner and eventually a better spouse?