One more thing my W has described herself at times as emotion less that nothing makes her feel happy or sad. This is again a smokescreen, because dealing with the issues is too hard. She only says this when I can tell she is seriously depressed. She blames the lack of passion on this feeling. When I read about your W it reminds me of mine in this sense.
I think that it's not because she is incapable of emotion but because she has shut down to keep out bad emotions she can't deal with. Passionate love is one of those emotions being shut out. People suffering from depression believe nothing will ever work out, that they will never get what they need, and if they do it'll just be pulled from underneath their feet. So they block it, you can't miss what you never had kinda deal.
I think schnarch said you like being needed, but you are too afraid to need yourself.
My W too picked fights during vacations, usually towards the end. It's like she was afraid of enjoying herself, like she didn't deserve it, like the world was off somehow. So she created conflict to realign everything and prove once again that good things don't happen to her.
