Together since we were 15.

[Jenna333]

Our interactions today had me reeling. If anyone has any insight, please share it with me.

When he came to get the kids today, he said I looked amazing (in my sweater dress and new boots). He was grumpy, though. I asked him to please quit being snippy with the kids and I. He called me into the kitchen while saying, "Do you want to know why I'm angry? I'll tell you." I went into the kitchen and he said he's angry because of this, and he gestured to me. He said he's angry because I'm changing so much and I didn't while we were together. He said that everything seems to be falling into place for me, while he's stuck in limbo. He said everything in his life turns to [censored], and that this shouldn't surprise him. Basically he told me that he's jealous of me. He was crying while telling me all of this. He said it is crappy that we couldn't have figured ourselves out years ago, because we could have been great together.

That is when I made the mistake of saying that it wasn't too late. He looked at me and said, "I'm nit coming back to you right now. I don't know what I want." I hate that I let my mind wander there. He isn't wanting to come home. Yes jealous that I'm happier than he is. That is because I'm working in myself, while he is wallowing in self-pity. I just told him that there's a silver lining in everything, and that he has to create his own happiness. He just acts like he can't while living at his mom's and is unhappy at work. He told me that he doesn't like not being able to vent/talk to me anymore, and he can't open up like that to anyone else. He said that it's weird because we were best friends. He said he wants to be friends, but understands that it won't happen for a while. I told him that his anger towards me is pushing me away, and he said that he isn't meaning to...then he said, "We aren't supposed to be close."

So weird trying to get used to this. He once again asked if I'm going out tonight. I told him that that's not his business. He said to tell him where I'll be so he doesn't run into me. He said the same thing when I went out (and lasted under an hour) 2 weeks ago. I'm still not really ready to go out like that.

He is feeling regretful about the past, to the point where he feels angry and even cries, but won't even consider a future with me. Well, he just says not anytime soon. He got to the point today where he was pissed to even look at me, and told me to leave him alone. I was not bugging him, for what it's worth. I hardly said anything. He was pissed all on his own because he's seeing that I'm changing and creating my own happiness and that he isn't.