Last night he did mention something. He said when he went to kiss me good night the other night, I turned my head so he kissed me on the cheek. Then I sent him a pic via text message. He said that I was sending him mixed signals.
I told him that I thought he wanted my cheek instead of my lips and he said no. That I was silly.
wow, I have only read this thread of yours and not the earlier ones but... you are NOT DBing.. Have you read the books yet? You MUST read them or this approach won't work b/c it's not the approach...
Did you say this stuff has been going on for over 3 years? That's the whole marriage.
he says YOU are sending mixed signals but HE has an OW, wants sex one night and the next night he tells you he hates you...???
um, that's called him "projecting" onto you, his confusion and flaws...and others call it simple hypocrisy. Take your pick. Yes he is confused, and so are you.
But get clarity by expecting decent treatment and NOT accepting indecency.
why do you let this happen? You are being mistreated and you know it
so why is that?
You must detach...Have you given real thought to what that means? here's a post that touches on DETACHMENT
"This was originally posted by Peanut. ============ II. Detachment Detachment is critical to the process of altering and repairing a relationship. Attached, we take personally all that is said, not said, done and not done. Our ego gets wounded and we are more inclined to those actions that will undermine our very best chances of accomplishing our goals. We can not control the actions of another. We are, however, responsible for our own actions. We are responsible for our own happiness. If we are detached from the actions of another, we can meet anger or indifference with love. Met with love we are in a position to diffuse the situation and transform it in a way that will be in alignment with our goals. On the flipside, detachment allows us to play it cool when we do get a positive reaction from our spouse. It is a way to break the distance/pursuer cycle.
Detachment is not withdrawal. It is not the mind saying, ‘I am not getting what I want so I must pull back.’ It is the natural acceptance that I am alone responsible for how I act. I can not control another person, but I can control how I respond to them." _____________
what are your GAL activities?
and your 180s? Do you have ANY?
you are far too available to him and your self worth hinges totally on what he says or does that day, vis a vis YOU...
You MUST GAL and trust me, you will feel better.
That will also help you feel happier and become more attractive and attractING...
meet some new people and get that self esteem UP.
Your h DOES HAVE HIS CAKE AND EATS IT TOO...
if there were no OW or if there were no mean signals about 'hating' you,
or if it were not SO obvious that he's using you as a babysitter and wants his daddyfix but "not too much daddy time b'c it's STRESSFUL on HIM" THEN I'd understand the ml issue.
It's very personal and no one can tell you what to do except ask yourself how YOU FEEL AFTERWARDS and from the sounds of it, it's manipulative on your end and not loving and then when the manipulation fails b/c he goes back to her or still leaves you
you feel bad....so NO I would not say it's working well for you.
His child rearing comments make him sound like a teenager who accidentally got a girl knocked up too early. But your H in his 40s right?
Good grief, who has enabled this "man" to behave this selfishly for so long?
Look Hopeful....
my advice is this: IF, and I mean IF IF IF
there is a chance at getting this type of manchild back to you
in some form of acceptable way
(like NO OW and being decent to you AND a real father) then it'd by you detaching, GAL and putting some dang mystery into your life.
Learn to live and live WELL without him in your life. Let that show...he'll notice.
Stop being so available and hoping he throws you a bread crumb.
Good luck
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
