Wife Left (Part 2)

[sunshine76]

CO I am so happy for you!!! You have come so far in such a short period of time. Way to go. I agree that there is always room for improvement and you are not totally out of the woods yet so like you said it is probably best to continue with therapy for a little while.

[CO1978]

(Maybe 25yearsmlc can help me with this one, but all advice is welcome). I did some more research on Retrouvaille. The next program in the area begins January 20th, registration deadline is January 13th. I would really like to ask W if she would be willing to do this, I just got to figure out the time to do it and how to bring it up. Since it is over weekends, she may resist on giving it a try because of the conflicts with her work schedule. I go to IC on the 4th (my therapist said he wants to see both of us for a joint session at least one more time, but I haven't brought that up yet either). I was thinking bring it up after the IC session along with therapist wanting to see us both again? I could make it seem like it was therapist's idea? Only problem with that is it gives her a shorter notice. I am afraid to bring this up right now, as I don't want to mess up the positive interactions we have been having and also I am afraid of the rejection.

[CO1978]

Ok well tonight was different. Had to take S to ER, I thought it was another bad asthma attack, but it turned out to be Croup, got great treatment, he will be ok. Was very nervous when he wasn't responding to his asthma treatments, so I called W, and she said to take him to ER and she would meet me there. Her and I had 2 1/2 hours of good positive talking. We talked about her work, people at work, her living arrangements and such. She told me she will be trying to help me with as much of her bills as possible, because she feels bad sticking me with them. She told me how a customer came into store for a phone, left, then called her at the store to ask her out. She told him sorry I'm married. As soon as she said that she said the people at work started to tease her how someone was asking her out. She told me the guy was kind of cute too. (I am glad she gave the answer she is married!) I asked her if she had plans for New Years, she said her one friend asked her to go out with her, be she said she wasn't too big on celebrating it. We talked about some of our past new years eve parties. Then talked about some of our other past fond memories (most of them led to us having sex!). We both were laughing really hard with some of our crazy stories. It was really good to hear her talk about our good times. I figured since we were talking so well, I brought up the Retrouvaille. I could tell she had mixed feelings about it, but she said she would consider it. She wanted some more info on it before she could make any decisions. She then brought up her work schedule, I asked her if she could switch some days, and I would really like it if we gave our best shot, and try this. She said she would consider it. We continued small talk, I asked her more about the people she worked with, pretty much "showed off" how well I listened to her in the past. She showed me a bump on her knee and I noticed she was wearing the socks I got her so we talked about her Christmas gifts. As I said we had 2 1/2 hours and I thought it went well. I got to get to bed now (if I can get her out of my mind), work early tomorrow, just wanted to share this. I will give her more info on Retrouvaille tomorrow when she shows up.

[kolja]

First and foremost I'm glad to hear your son will be ok! We didn't get as far as having children before our problems set in (though hope springs eternal), so I can only imagine what that must be like as a parent. I see how my sister is whenever her two year old is ill. I also remember the looks on my parents faces when I broke my leg when I was 10!

It's also nice to hear how you and your wife seemed to have a good time with some positive reminiscing! If it were me I'd definitely consider it another baby step forward - and then of course I'd be on guard for any 'expectations,' just enjoy it for what it is.

[CO1978]

Kolja thanks for yourconcern on my S, he is doing much better today.

This morning W came in, checked her mail, said she was tired and was going to go to bed. She said she would try to get either her mother or her sister to watch S today, but if he wasn't here when I got home to call her at work. Not really any other conversation. She took a quick glance at the Retrouvaille papers I printed out for her, she said she would look at them later, and went to bed. A few minutes later I remembered she had to get son's prescriptions today, so I went to the bedroom to make sure she had money to get them. She said she didn't, so I told her to use my debit card. I asked her if she felt any better, she said not really. I told her to try and have a nice day at work, and left her so she could sleep. She told me to have a nice day at work.

When I got home, S wasn't there so I called W. We discussed who was going to watch S tomorrow, I told her my mom could. She said since she was going to be off at 5 pm and was off Saturday she wanted to have him tomorrow and didn't want drive out of her way to pick him up and her sister could watch him. So W will have him until at least Sunday (going to be a long weekend!)

I went to pick S up, had a good conversation with MIL. She brought up how hard all this is on S, and how she had a bad argument with W over the separation. MIL said she noticed a lot of change in me and told W same. I told MIL I have a lot of fight in me and told her about the Retrouvaille and the plan I had to try to start over at dating each other. I didn't want to say too much to her about M (I don't want her to be against W), even though she said she was on my side, and her heart was broken when W told her about separation. This was first time we talked about any of this.

When I left I felt like crying (though I didn't!) over what MIL said to me. I'll see W briefly tomorrow morning, then not sure when again, maybe Monday. As I said going to be long weekend with out her and S.

[CO1978]

More journaling: This morning was more of same. W came over to get S. She apologized to me saying she didn't meant to sound bitchy on the phone yesterday. I told her it was ok, I didn't realize she was acting bitchy, and I understood how it is crazy sometimes for her at work. That brought out a lot of venting for her. She took a seat on the floor and said how stressed out and upset she is at work, that a coworker who worked there for half as long as she did is getting Manager in training status. I told her not to take it personally since she is only part time and he is full time. She said she knew she shouldn't be upset, but it still bothered her. She actually said she wasn't sure if this was the job for her anymore. She continued to vent about her work, I must have said I understand or a variation of it about 20 times. I told her she is a very hard worker, and all her sales show it except for the one she got in trouble for, and her manager always trusts her with everything. She is being overshadowed by 2 overachievers who are in the top 1% in the region in sales, and she is still in the top 10% (hopefully that was validating her). I also told her she should be proud, since she helped train her coworker to get him where he is today. I think she was feeling better after venting to me. I noticed it was time for me to go, so I asked when I would get S again. She said she knows I hate being away from him for more than a day, so maybe Saturday night. I asked her if she had plans to go out Saturday night, she said she wasn't sure yet, she didn't feel like partying, but maybe go for a few drinks. I told her to give me a call and we could figure out the details and I left for work.

I really hate just having to sit there and listen (I love listening to her don't take that the wrong way). It would be nice to be able say more to her and hold her to comfort her. W did say at her old job she was feeling miserable and thought a job change was all she needed to make her feel better. When the job change didn't work she concluded it was me that was the problem in her life. Now she is feeling stressed and getting upset at work, and questioning if this is the job for her. Hopefully this will give her second thoughts that it wasn't all just me.

[CO1978]

W called me shortly after I got home today. She was checking to see if she got any mail (must have been getting off from work). She said she is still waiting on her bank card and credit card to come in mail.

I asked her if she was okay on money and had enough money for gas, she said she was okay. She returned the Christmas gift she got me (she was going to exchange it for something different) and used that money for gas. She said she didn't want to do that, but had no choice, because money was tight right now. I reminded her that she could open an account with my bank still, so she wouldn't have to get the run around. She said she might do that.

She said she still wasn't sure about her plans for New Years, and if I wanted S I could probably have him. She mentioned to me her options, she could go out with her, or her co-worker friend, or her friend who just broke up with her fiancé. She said that friend would probably need her the most. I told her that she should probably go there then.

She again said she didn't plan on getting drunk. I told her (joking) that it only took 2 drinks to do that, she laughed and agreed. She said she would probably go to friend's house (the one who broke up with fiancé) and help her cook some food for New Years day. I told her it was a good time to try the (Christmas gift) Robert Irvine book I got her. She said that was a good idea.

I told her I would call her if bank cards came tomorrow, then she said ok, we will figure out what we will do for S.

Sorry to everyone if I keep journaling. I am pretty much just checking in on everyone, not posting much else. Trying to keep my head in the game!

[Crimson]

You are doing great, CO. Be gald that your W is open to talking to you. That is HUGE! IF you can continue to show change and keep a positive dialogue going, good things can follow. Slow and steady, friend - you are doing it the right way.

Crimson

[CO1978]

W called me today, I thought I was getting S. She said she was going to keep him tonight. I asked aren't you going out? She said, I'm not sure yet, but if I do it won't be until he is asleep. She said she didn't feel like getting up early to get him in morning, and I could pick him up tomorrow.

She seemed more concerned about if she got any mail, then me not seeing S. Kind of upset, since she even made the comment yesterday about knowing I don't like to be apart from him more than a day.

So to burn that conversation out of my brain I had a killer work out today. Then I watched the movie "The Beaver" with Mel Gibson & Jody Foster. Very good movie btw, about dealing with depression.

So I will ring in the new year alone, since I work tomorrow. I want to wish everyone a happy new year. A friend of mine posted this on her FB page, thought it was appopriate:

Before we pop the champagne and celebrate the new year, stop and reflect on the year that has gone by.

Remember both our triumphs and our missteps, our promises made and broken.

The times we opened ourselves up to great adventures or closed ourselves down for fear of getting hurt cuz that is what new years is all about- getting another chance.

A chance to forgive, to do better, to do more, to give more, to love more.

And stop worrying about what if and start embracing what would be.

So when that ball drops at midnight, let's remember to be nice to each other, kind to each other all year long!!!

Once again happy new year everyone! Hope these words ring true.

[sandi2]

I hope this will be the last New Year's Eve that you ever spend alone.