Like Two Sparrows in a Hurricane (1)

[MAL]

This morning I received a text message from RC:

Good morning. Hey, I wanted you to know. My friend J here is here and she will probably be at church tomorrow. Wanted to let you know.

I haven't responded to the text. I wasn’t sure if I needed to.

I know he is a good man and I know he cares about me. I was worried that he might just let me show up at church and be surprised (since he didn’t know I figured it out on my own and his text proves that). The text tells me he is still that person that I respect. So the text was good.

I think I was worried about that as much as I am everything else. If he and I are destined to only be friends, that gesture (or lack of) would have hurt the friendship. It also would have made me question what I thought I knew about him after 4.5 years.

With mixed feelings, I looked at the text and thought, “Thank goodness.”

It also tells me that he is not totally clueless. He knew that it might hurt me. So the guy does have some stuff going on in his head. He was thinking of me this morning, and my feelings.

If he figured that out, then hasn’t he figured out that his actions lately might be giving me the wrong impression or confusing me? I don’t know about all that…but it definitely tells me he is not totally clueless (unless his mom was the one telling him that he needed to let me know, which is very likely).

Either way, he helped me maintain some of the respect I had in him.

It was probably hard for him to send that text. And knowing him the way I do (and I know him very well), I bet he will be thinking about me today and the way I am feeling. I feel bad about that.

I still don’t get the rest of it…his behaviors in the past weeks…but knowing who he is as a person, I have to believe that he knows what he is doing.

It doesn’t mean anything changes, but it reconciles who he is as a man -- for me. And I needed that. He is a good man and I don’t want that to change – no matter what happens between us.

I am looking forward to going over to my brother’s tonight to celebrate 2011 and bring in the New Year. And tomorrow, you can be assured I will have on a nice outfit, a big smile, and a great “act as if” attitude when I arrive in Sunday school. I will greet RC and his friend with a smile. I will sing with the choir and feel the joy that brings. I will sit with another friend during church (which will probably be noticed by all in a small church like ours). And YS and I will slip out quietly when church is over (no need to create anymore weirdness with the usual lingering around). Then I think I am going to go get the new bike rake installed on the back of my car (FINALLY).

I am sitting here chuckling to think about the gossip that will occur after church or in the coming weeks -- I bet everyone in church will be very confused. lol (I am trying to see the humor in it all.)

Happy New Year everyone!