H seems to want to really try. I am however terrified of the roller coaster. 3 days ago he said it was over, said a lot of horrible stuff, told me leave. I made plans to move, asked my family and friends to help me move ASAP, started packing, was even excited about a new life without drama. Now hes sorry, doesnt want to lose me, will go to counseling, will even have kids (he had changed his mind after we got married. Of course if we have kids it wont be until this M is a lot better) and several other promises to listen more, be more supportive, etc. What does he want me to change? Nothing he says. i told him i have tried and tried and stood by him through so much and am tired of being a pushover, its time he gave 50% and handled his boys better and stopped the XW drama. normally I just shut up and deal with whatever to keep the peace and avoid a fight. This time I not only called his bluff, but started to move on. I guess the 180 worked but its backfired in that now I am questioning what to do. I want to believe him but i have been hurt. I want to move on and be happy. But i love him. Right now i am still DBing and still here. Dreading telling my family and friends I am staying, as they are all very angry about the situation. I guess i am not as alone as i thought i was.
This is what i wanted so why am i not happy? And what do i do now? I am scheduling the therapist. should i put my moving plans on hold or cancel them? I am completely humilated about this, making all these plans, having to tell co-workers i am moving, my family upset, etc because i was sure it was done with H screaming i needed to get out, etc. Now i am staying.
Totally embarrassed and terrified but i am trying. Again.
H asked me out for new years eve. He let me pick the restaurant and movie. A first. I guess i need to fix myself up and show him what he will lose if we dont make this work.
Me - 38, 2nd M, no living children, 1 forever 6 yr old boy H - 44, 3rd M, twins 16
Dating 4/07 M 10/08 Bomb #1 12/10 Bomb #2 1/11 Bomb #3 12/11
