feeling like giving up.....former DBing against OW

[greatwhitenorth]

he wanted this...and i refuse to feel bad for him.

Yup...he wanted this, and proper thing for you...DO NOT feel bad for him. Same thing and same sentiment for me. Anytime H and I had / have a discussion about finances, etc, (no kids, stepD20) I remind him that this is his choice. Shuts him right up.

Your H needs to fully understand the impact of his choices and accept that they are his and his alone. As long as you cave, this understanding will not happen. And until he understands, he absolutely will not learn. Unless someone understands how much they have lost they will not be motivated to change.

Sadly, though, the LBS may come to realize that their WAS no longer values the same things so does not feel their loss. For example, my H has not used his boat and has not fished or hunted, the three things he LOVES, since BD in August. As sD20 said, it's sad how much he threw away. AND H nad no interest in kids but OW has a young child. Unbelievable to me, but in my gut I know a hard rain's gonna fall on OW 'cause H doesn't want kids, especially someone else's. Whether H learns or not is another story. He's got a lot of growing up to do.

Remember the advice "believe none of what he says and half of what he does". When he says he doesn't want it to be this way, HE needs to make the effort to change things. You then determine whether his efforts are sincere and worthy of your consideration, whether he can be trusted.

Until then, let him (as I believe Snodderly says), let him flap in the wind. Don't focus on some olive branch that might or might not arrive. He doesn't know how he wants it. Quite frankly their foolishness gets boring. If he calls you about the support agreement ignore the calls. Leave it to the lawyers. Stick with the support guidelines. It'll only get complicated and emotional if you engage....keep it as business.

You honestly sound like you have a great attitude. 2011 has been, as they say, an epic fail, but I have a feeling that 2012 is going to be a good year! It's up to us to make it that way.

All the best to you for the new year, stay strong, and keep your eye on the ball.