Got home about 1am... movie was good, even if my heart wasn't quite in it. Went upstairs and into our bedroom and something was odd... it was quiet (we sleep with two fans on for white noise). It's then I realize my W isn't in bed. Panic a little about where the heck she is. I find her sleeping in SD's bed (SD is at her dad's house until Sunday).
I just laugh... because I can either laugh or I can cry. I truly don't understand this part. It's sleeping... really? I know my W's slept in some pretty odd/uncomfortable places in her life. But she now says next to me is too awkward. Ok. Myself... I'd have to fear for my life before I gave up my bed. And maybe that's why this is bothering me... I'm projecting my own reasoning on to her. I don't know why she feels the need to sleep elsewhere, but that's not my problem. I've already made it clear that since I'm not the one doing the leaving, I'm not the one leaving our bed.
S woke me up early... so much for sleep I guess I'll lay down once my W gets up. I can barely look at him right now without my heart breaking. I did a lot of reading last night, and all of it was bad. All of it told me how much early elementary kids blame themselves. One place actually did a great job helping me understand why they do so (it's because surely the world can't be so chaotic and capricious that moms and dads stop loving each other... that's crazy... instead it must be the kid's fault... it must be something they've done... that's at least makes sense). I'm just so terrified of what's coming for all three of them, but for my S most of all because he's so young. I hate this.
But I can't stop it, so we'll have to make it the best we can.
Tonight S and I are together for New Year's Eve; W is going to be out getting wasted and partying like a rock star again. I have a great night planned with him and it's all a surprise for him... but he's going to have a blast. It seems like the very least I can do... to send off 2011 with a high note, since 2012 looks to be a year we can all forget.
Married 6 together 8 Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both SS12, SD10, S6 Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann) W moved out: 2/18/12 D final: 11/12/12 Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
Went upstairs and into our bedroom and something was odd... it was quiet (we sleep with two fans on for white noise). It's then I realize my W isn't in bed. Panic a little about where the heck she is. I find her sleeping in SD's bed (SD is at her dad's house until Sunday).
I'll lay down once my W gets up. I can barely look at him right now without my heart breaking. I did a lot of reading last night, and all of it was bad. All of it told me how much early elementary kids blame themselves. One place actually did a great job helping me understand why they do so (it's because surely the world can't be so chaotic and capricious that moms and dads stop loving each other... that's crazy... instead it must be the kid's fault... it must be something they've done... that's at least makes sense). I'm just so terrified of what's coming for all three of them, but for my S most of all because he's so young. I hate this.
