Like Two Sparrows in a Hurricane (1)

[shewholurks]

I thought at first that I had clicked on an old thread when I saw your name.
*rubbing eyes to clear my vision*

Mal -
Maybe you're overthinking this whole thing. Why don't you give yourself a month to just DO NOTHING - you don't have to decide anything. Just continue flirting and communicating the way you have been, and be patient. All will be revealed in time - avoid the urge to force an outcome.

Ellie

^this is excellent advice, especially the part about avoiding the urge to force an outcome. {Hi Ellie!}
I don't know if you recall Peanut from back in our day but I hear his voice in my head where the forcing of an outcome is concerned - *That which we pursue, retreats*. That being said; contacting him on occasion would not be considered pursuing but rather an encouraging action. Obviously there are no hard and fast rules to any of this.

Hang in there, dear lady.
*hugs*
~ swl

[MAL]

Why don't you give yourself a month to just DO NOTHING - you don't have to decide anything. Just continue flirting and communicating the way you have been, and be patient. All will be revealed in time - avoid the urge to force an outcome.

Thanks Ellie. You really hit the nail on the head. I think that is what I've been feeling, but didn't know what it was.

I think I feel like I'm supposed to make a decision now, but why? A few others have said the same....give it some time and let it play out, whatever happens.

I didn't realize I was possibly forcing an outcome -- thank you for pointing that out to me! Good point!

[MAL]

I thought at first that I had clicked on an old thread when I saw your name.
*rubbing eyes to clear my vision*

I don't know if you recall Peanut from back in our day but I hear his voice in my head where the forcing of an outcome is concerned - *That which we pursue, retreats*. That being said; contacting him on occasion would not be considered pursuing but rather an encouraging action. Obviously there are no hard and fast rules to any of this.

Hang in there, dear lady.
*hugs*
~ swl

lol, I wish you were rubbing your eyes....I definitely don't want to be here posting again. Thanks for the input. Sometimes I wish there were rules though! SMILE

[MAL]

I had a great time on the trip. It was great seeing RC's family, including his nephew and nephew's wife who live in Serbia.

I went to visit the parents of my GF who died earlier this year. It was good to spend time with them, and a great healing opportunity for all. (For those who knew me way back when, this was the GF that was my rock during the separation, OW, and the one that I spent most of my weekends with.)

My YS also got in some great driving practice on the way there and back (5 hour trip each way).

I did receive a few texts from RC, but nothing major. He sent one when we were driving there to see if we had arrived yet. He also sent one today to see if we had left yet. Then we exchanged a few after.

I brought his mom home as planned, and I already picked up on a few things from her before we arrived. I won't bore you with how, but it matched what I had been sensing.

My thoughts were confirmed when we arrived. There was a car out front from out of state (state where lady friend lives), but RC's truck was gone. His mom's face was so stressed. YS didn't pick up on it, but I did.

I helped her get her things in and we said some quick good byes so she could RELAX! YS picked up on her weird behavior and I explained when we left, pointing to the car out front. He got it immediately.

So...theory proved to be correct. I am good at those hunches. I'm so glad I picked up on that way in advance so I'd be prepared. It still hurts, obviously. But it could have been so much worse.

What if I hadn't figured it out?
Or what if they hadn't had enough common sense to not be there.

It says a couple of things to me...

His mom knows that I still have feelings for him (which means he's been talking to her).

It means he knows I have feelings too. Enough to be kind to me. Knowing that, his actions in the past several weeks are definitely strange. I wouldn't spend time with my ex in that way, if I knew he cared about me. I would make it so clear that it was only a friendship. I'm guessing RC has a lot on his mind. Nothing I can do about that. I'm just going to keep being me, like we've been discussing here.

I feel sorry for his mom most of all. I love that lady, and don't want to hurt her or cause stress. So I'll be mindful of that if I'm ever around her.

Nothing has really changed. But I did want to make a quick update. Now I am going to go meet a GF for a drink. I earned it.

Hope everyone is having a great Friday night!

[MAL]

And - I'm jealous that you can sing. I hope you have a wonderful time singing all the beautiful Christmas songs this weekend!

Sorry, I missed this one. I love to sing and have really enjoyed getting to do that lately (with church and karaoke). It does something to my soul and is a great way for me to be ME (if that makes sense).

I had missed karaoke, and the choir thing...well that was always something I wanted to do. It brings me so much joy.

Speaking of that, we cranked up a CD on the way home, and RC's mom and I sang away. It was fun! There was one particular song that we did a couple of times. YS was listening to his own stuff through earbuds - poor kid! lol

[kml]

Just remember, you don't know what's going on between the two of them this weekend. They could be fighting and having a crummy time cuz RC is thinking about you. His mom could be sabotaging their relationship cuz she prefers you

This weekend was set up long before you came back into the picture and would have been a difficult thing to cancel - don't fret about it. In fact, a dose of reality spending time together (instead of fantasy long-distance stuff) may just do their relationship in (one can always hope !)

So go out and have a good weekend and don't stress over it.

[MAL]

Just remember, you don't know what's going on between the two of them this weekend. They could be fighting and having a crummy time cuz RC is thinking about you. His mom could be sabotaging their relationship cuz she prefers you
This weekend was set up long before you came back into the picture and would have been a difficult thing to cancel - don't fret about it. In fact, a dose of reality spending time together (instead of fantasy long-distance stuff) may just do their relationship in (one can always hope !)

Too funny….I wouldn’t put it past his mom to put a bug in his ear. I know she likes me. It’s always good to have someone’s mama on your side, especially if the guy has the highest respect for her and values her opinion. I know they are very close and talk a lot (like me and my mom do nowadays).

We can only hope that he is thinking of me and sees that the long-distance thing isn’t what he wants….yeah, we can hope. lol

Last night I started wondering....Does J know that I gave his mom a ride home last night? Until now, RC likely could have hidden the fact that we are still close and hanging out. That could have been an interesting conversation.

Thanks Ellie. Did I already tell you that I'm glad you are still on here giving folks advice? I have no idea what is going on with you nowadays though...I think we need an email update lady, don't you?

[MAL]

This morning I received a text message from RC:

Good morning. Hey, I wanted you to know. My friend J here is here and she will probably be at church tomorrow. Wanted to let you know.

I haven't responded to the text. I wasn’t sure if I needed to.

I know he is a good man and I know he cares about me. I was worried that he might just let me show up at church and be surprised (since he didn’t know I figured it out on my own and his text proves that). The text tells me he is still that person that I respect. So the text was good.

I think I was worried about that as much as I am everything else. If he and I are destined to only be friends, that gesture (or lack of) would have hurt the friendship. It also would have made me question what I thought I knew about him after 4.5 years.

With mixed feelings, I looked at the text and thought, “Thank goodness.”

It also tells me that he is not totally clueless. He knew that it might hurt me. So the guy does have some stuff going on in his head. He was thinking of me this morning, and my feelings.

If he figured that out, then hasn’t he figured out that his actions lately might be giving me the wrong impression or confusing me? I don’t know about all that…but it definitely tells me he is not totally clueless (unless his mom was the one telling him that he needed to let me know, which is very likely).

Either way, he helped me maintain some of the respect I had in him.

It was probably hard for him to send that text. And knowing him the way I do (and I know him very well), I bet he will be thinking about me today and the way I am feeling. I feel bad about that.

I still don’t get the rest of it…his behaviors in the past weeks…but knowing who he is as a person, I have to believe that he knows what he is doing.

It doesn’t mean anything changes, but it reconciles who he is as a man -- for me. And I needed that. He is a good man and I don’t want that to change – no matter what happens between us.

I am looking forward to going over to my brother’s tonight to celebrate 2011 and bring in the New Year. And tomorrow, you can be assured I will have on a nice outfit, a big smile, and a great “act as if” attitude when I arrive in Sunday school. I will greet RC and his friend with a smile. I will sing with the choir and feel the joy that brings. I will sit with another friend during church (which will probably be noticed by all in a small church like ours). And YS and I will slip out quietly when church is over (no need to create anymore weirdness with the usual lingering around). Then I think I am going to go get the new bike rake installed on the back of my car (FINALLY).

I am sitting here chuckling to think about the gossip that will occur after church or in the coming weeks -- I bet everyone in church will be very confused. lol (I am trying to see the humor in it all.)

Happy New Year everyone!

[kml]

Sent you an email

[MAL]

Great! Thanks Ellie.