wife mlc? help

[25yearsmlc]

I finished reading your whole thread.

you are doing NONE of what Div Busting suggests. You seem to think this is something that happened to YOU.

It's not.

Based solely on what YOU have told us, your story is unusual in that your very neglected wife gave you tons of warnings, which you ignored.

She launched many "SOS"s into the universe and sent out her red flares...

You ignored them.

Only when she began to see OM did you care.
In fact, is it b/c your pride is hurt more now, that you care at all? I mean I can't help but wonder why you're here since you are not interested in changing the relationship (which requires changing you)

but now that there's an OM, you "care". That might be about wanting to
"win" and not about loving her.

She probably sees that.

Why are you HERE on this site, since you do not seem interested in changing YOU? I'm sincerely asking b/c I can't tell why you are here.

You are all you control...

when you discovered OM, you just got angrier.

What are you doing to show her that marriage to you, from this day forward, can be better and different?

Don't you see that the change of agent here must be YOU?

Don't you see that insisting YOU WILL NOT CHANGE means she won't come back?

How much pride do you have that it SO outweighs the love you claim to have? If your m fails, it won't be b/c SHE did not try.

I don't know what it's going to take,

but you SEEM to have read the book b/c you heard about NO Contact

but it's like none of the rest of the book sank into you.

You seem interested in punishing her, and "showing her the consequences of her actions" (that's code for punishing her)

but as my DB coach said, "it's not our jobs as spouses to teach them a lesson, LIFE does that".

(PLEASE CONSULT A DB COACH ASAP...YOU NEED HELP FAST...)

You ought to be "Keeping The Road Home, Paved & Smooth"
but instead you are throwing thigns in her face. WHY?

WHAT IS YOUR GOAL??

Every time she gives you a chance to show you care,

you blow it.

Have you ever felt empathy for her? Have you tried to see things from her viewpoint AND THEN CHANGED SOMETHING IN YOU? When?

You need to be able to feel empathy, which I do not sense, and to get that, you may need a shrink. I'm sorry but you are simply Not getting it.

And you asked for direct feedback and you've been here long enough to hear this:

This is on YOU. YOU must change or your m is over.

Do you get that?