Thank you for your response. It gives me hope. We spoke about it last night and we are both willing to give 100% to make it work. She agreed to stop the affair stuff. I'm hesitant to believe her, but trust has been broken and I have decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. Rebuilding trust has to start somewhere.

Our sex life never has really got off the ground. Due to religious commitments we dated four years and did not have sex until we were married....a week after we were married to be more precise. She grew up thinking sex is a dirty word and never really got over that...until recently. We've tried things. She has put in a lot of effort, but I don't think she ever thought it was okay to have sex...like it was bad. I've tried to spice things up and she hasn't really been responsive. So, I gave up trying. We never did foreplay...never. Sexually, I have been miserable.

A lady named Alisa Bowman wrote a book called, "Project Happily Ever After". She has a website with the same name. Basically, she was so miserable that she literally hoped her husband would die. Someone wrote in and asked her about what she should do because she doesn't want to touch her husband, is not attracted and she didn't feel connected. But, she is extremely attracted to someone else. Her husband is a good man, which are hard to find. What can she do.

Mrs. Bowman replied and said, "i would have rather had all of my toenails extracted than to have sex with my Husband. Now I look forward to it." She then pointed out that no relationship is perfect. One man can be a great lover, but not a great conversationalist. Another may be a great provider, but a terrible lover. Few if any people have every single quality we desire in a mate. She needs to allow herself to accept this fact. When she does she'll have a much easier time seeing shortcoming in marriage as problems that can be solved over time. Mrs. Bowman than said, "Rather than seeing your lack of attraction to your husband as a fatal flaw -one that can only be solved by either replacing him or cheating on him- you'll look into ways to build a healthy attraction."

She recommended that the lady with the question do a few things.

1. Tell her husband that her desire has waned over the years. She should be honest and tell her husband about her weakness for other men. Ask him to fall back in love with her.

2.Start having sex on a regular basis, even if she doesn't want to do it. Sex helps build a connection that will turn into a healthy attraction over time.

3. Deal with any turn offs...if he has poor hygiene, or whatever, tell him.

4. Teach him how to romance her

5. Teach him how to please to please her in bed.

6. Touch often...really simple things keep a marriage going...hugging before going leaving the house and coming home, sit closely on the couch, hold hands, etc.

7. Be transparent...allow him to know the real her and vice versa. The more you get to know each other on a deeper level, the more attraction will grow.

8. Put on blinders...It's normal to feel attracted to other people, but she's married. She can look, but she can't touch. She needs to practice self-control and learn how to release her attachment to wanting it all. Learn how to be happy with the wonderful man you already have.

Mrs. Bowman never mentions anything about her husband and her having marital problems, but I imagine they had to if she was wanting him to die and not wanting to even touch him. I purchased her book, so I will be able to read more about their relationship later.

My question is if you think I should show my wife this site? I'm a bit leery about having sex myself...I don't know if all I'll be able to think about is the other guy. Maybe not. So, what do you think? As I'm sure you feel, I would like to have sex with her, but.... Do you think something like this would chase my wife away? I know she's willing to do anything to make this work...well, I'm trying to believe that anyway...she says she is.
I don't want her to think that I'm showing it to her just to get laid. If I showed her this, I think it would be best to tell her about my apprehension of physical contact.

Overall, what are your opinions on this?

BTW, her orientation is straightened out. She likes men and it was a one time thing with the OW.