wife mlc? help

[25yearsmlc]

I don't know what others have said to this but I felt compelled to respond now. So if it's a 2 x 4 that isn't needed, so be it and I apologize.

Read the DB books of course. They form the basis of this site's unique approach to marital crisis. But also check out "The Five Love Languages". Your wife's love language is quality time together and that love tank of hers has been empty a long time. She's not interested in the "benefit of not having to work" and I'd bet she feel she HAS worked....just not for money and apparently not for your respect or gratitude for her giving up a career to stay at home.


So when she says "My love tank is empty" you say "too bad"? And then she says "let's take a trip" you say no...and so on. You refuse to fill her love tank or to speak in her love language even she makes it clear to you what she needs.

Wow...you really blew an opportunity so many men here did not get. I hope as I continue reading that I see changes in your approach...

weve been M for 15yrs and T for 16. Im 40 W is 39 a S13 and D7.weve had a pretty good marriage in my and her aswell as pretty much all our friends opinions. we had been arguing lateley over her feeling too lonely and bored and that she felt i didnt love her anymore. my job requires me to be out of town 3 sometimes 4 day a week.


That is a crap load of ALONE TIME for her...why not change your job? OR promise to retire sooner?


BTW, please write your posts in smaller paragraphs-easier to read!


she has always professed her undying love for me and how she would always be there but she was always worried that i would cheat or leave her. i have not. she has expressed to to me in the past how she felt like everyone we know was in a bad marriage. the spouses werent in love or someone was gonna cheat. she also feels her granny isnt happy in her marraige of 62 years.


so on 08/11 she drops the bomb she wants to split that shes not happy and her needs arent being met. im gone too much and when im home i have too may hobbies and shes to far down on the list.


MANY women would feel this way. You are chronically physically absent and then, when you are home you make no effort to compensate for your absence.

How long has she put up with this?

How did you react to her saying her needs were unmet?


now i make pretty good money and she never had to work and the kids dont need her as much now and she tells mw shes bored.


she does not feel important to you, or needed by the kids.



sex life was always great.i tell her if shes not happy with me go find happy. i make a stand.


A "stand"? For what? Your ego? Your pride? How did that go?

What do you want, (other than to "teach her a lesson")?


she says lets go on a trip together. i say you need to be happy with me right here. i cant takke you on a trip whenever your bored. she says lets have another baby and i say your crazy. your leaving me but a baby will make you stay. she said if you retired in 5 yrs id stay but you have at least 20 and icant do it. i say fine go.thinking she needs a taste of th real world,

OMG....she humbly gave you 3 ways she could find love in her life with you and each one gets shot down...I am not saying having another child was the solution but I understand her desire for one, and your refusal to have one is ....odd.

But your refusal to go on a trip is incomprehensible to me. Tell the other men around here, who had wives leave them

that you refused to go on a trip with your w b/c she wanted TIME WITH YOU!....but wear some armor b/c you'll get slapped around for that one.

And why not at least entertain the idea of retiring sooner? Give her something to hold onto...nope.

You made it clear that this is who you are and you are not going to change AND she is not worth you changing for...so "take that w! Tough luck!"



but i do love her.

how and why would she know that? What have you done or said that indicates it? Again, read the 5 Love Languages...she is not impressed or feeling loved b/c of the accolades you get at your job...she feels lonely b/c her mate chooses to be away from her many nights a week, and it's not temporary. It's a choice you are making and apparently are not changing it.

I'm an Army veteran married to a man still in the reserves, who'll be deployed again, this spring.

I understand how she feels. But in our case my h has no choice. YOU DO...


And in my case it is NOT FOREVER but you are clear that IT IS WHAT IT IS

and you simply do Not care if her needs are not met.

Do you see how clear that is?

You just had multiple chances to show her the importance she has in your life

and you continue to make sure she knows she is NOT important enough for you to change a thing...


she gets depressed crying not sleeping not eating, going out drinking.asking me why im not fighting for her? i said fight what? she says your just gonna let me go?i say your leaving me.


meaning, "YES I'M LETTING YOU GO AND NOT CHANGING A THING IN ME"


i have 2 guys i hang out with a married guy and a single guy. so they are being my shoulder during this ordeal and i figure ill be spending alot of time with single guy. almost 2 months go by and then i get slammed with the shock of my life. i find out the W and the single guy are seeing each other now behind my back.


did this really shock you? Wow, I'm not shocked at all. I AM SORRY but I am not shocked.


it flipped my lid.now me and the wife agreed that we were no longer a couple about a month prior and could see other people so she wasnt really cheating on me.

so you are sliding to divorce anyhow, not fighting for the marriage and I guess the rest of the posts will answer my question which is, "Why are you here?"


now the single guy totally doesnt seem her type. hes cheated on every girlfriend hes had since weve known him. and my wife has serious trust issues. now this has been goin on since mid octber and they are spending all there time tgether. all our friends want nothing to do with them. ive obviosly moved out.


I guess in your case it is obvious...

my W getting new boobs.im the one depressed now ive lost my girl who i thought was being needy and would come around. ive lost my friend because he is betraying our friendship. i tryed to get her to come back but she says its too late. you let me go. now im just starting the no contact, getting in shape and trying to live a life without. but it kills me i know shes over there every night i have our kids. any input plz.

why are YOU beginning no contact? Isn't that lack of interest and effort on your end the reason you are here?

Sometimes backing off is what is suggested here but your w said you ignored her and then when she gave you several chances to stop ignoring her,

you changed nothing. So is It only b/c she is with a NEW MAN that you now care?

Hmmmm