Destiny, I'm very happy to see that you had a good day yesterday. Continue to dig for patience.
Please do not allow your expectations to go over zero. No expectations...that way you will not be disappointed if something doesn't go the way you thought it should have.
Enjoy your day!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Wow - it has been a busy two days but I wanted to journal the events over the last 2 days:
Wednesday Had another good day at work. When I got home, H was there watching TV. I was in a very good mood, started cooking, and H couldn't wait to join me once again in the kitchen. Although, he did mentioned that he didn't "get me" and wanted to know what came over me with the cooking. He then said he was "trying to figure me out". I was pleasant and nothing was bothering me. I was in a good detached mood. We quickly finished dinner with H setting the table and us enjoying the meal I cooked. Went to bed without feeling down or depressed.
Thursday H is still trying to figure me out. I am not sure what I am doing. I am not asking questions, I am pleasant, I am taking my anti-depressants, I am going to my workout classes, and I have not bothered him at all. I felt pretty good that day and continued to love him from a distance. Boy it was so difficult to detach last year, but after my panic attacks recently, I was able to detach pretty quickly.
Is that it? Does he feel me detaching a bit, because now he is calling me baby, and honey. I is sleeping so close to me in bed that I almost fell off!!! It is so hard not to want to cuddle and tell him that I love him. He has said it every morning this week when he leaves for work.
Friday Today was an early day for both of us, but he was suppose to have lunch and then Happy Hour with friends. I just got home after going to the salon, and my H is home!! I asked what happened to his plans and he said they fell through and has asked if I want to do something tonight. Not sure what to say. I don't want to seem eager to spend time with him and then have him pull away. What do I do?
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
This is JMO but your H has asked you out on a date. You're piecing, right? It's not an easy thing to do. My advice would be to go out with him, leave your cares behind tonight and just have fun with your H. No pressure, no R talk. Be the Destiny that attracted your H in the first place.
There's plenty of time to work out the bumps along the way later.
Destiny, When you are postive and pleasant, that's when he is drawn to you life a month is to a candle. Go back and re-read your postings...each and every time that you are pleasant and go about your business is when he comes searching for you. If these are positive changes, they will need to be made permanent. No faking on this joy ride!
I agree w/Seeking...go out and have fun...leave your cares and worries at home and just go out and enjoy the evening w/your husband.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
Destiny, I don't know what happened, but you had had a good day and he had responded to your positive mood. So, what triggered this confrontation this time?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
H said he was not happy in our M and that he was optimistic, but he is not any longer. He brought to the R talk. Said he noticed that I seemed "detached".
He said this should not surprise me, but that heoves me and that we can go with that. I feel like he feels that he is compromising his happiness because he does not want to hurt me.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
Destiny, Your h doesn't know what he wants. He sounds depressed and until he seeks assistance w/his depression, he's going to blah about everything.
Trust me, if he was ready to go out that door, he would be making moves.
My advice still stands, concentrate on you and your activities. There's no need for you to be pulled down into the dark hole w/him. Someone has to say above ground to keep an eye on finances, etc.
I am only going to say this once....don nag him, stop pointing out when he does things wrong or not up to your expectations. If he can't make himself happy, how can he make you happy?
Destiny, if you continue to nag and point out the error of his ways, he is going to walk. Leave him alone and allow him time to figure things out. The upbeat, positive Destiny is what draws him to you. The depressed, whiny, clingy Destiny will not.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Is there any updates Destiny? I've been catching up with reading about your whole situation. I am going through some similar things with my SO who is currently deployed and was over-joyed to see that you guys had come out on the other side. I'm sorry to hear that it's difficult rightr now and I hope that you're doing okay.
I know I always have a need to fix things. THis, my H, our marriage cannot be fixed by me. I haven't posted in a few days because I have been thinking a lot about EVERYTHING and of course, with work and trying to keep busy, I have been a little down.
Rollercoaster is definitely the cycle of an MLCer.
My H is definitely depressed, confused, unsure, etc. After his R talk with me on Friday, he confirmed Saturday morning that he is depressed, was optimistic, doesn't know what he wants, doesn't have friends or anyone to talk to, and is just just plain unhappy. I told him that I was sorry he felt that way; we ended our brief conversation and I went to take a nap. I GAL'd later that day, after telling my H that I was going out for a while shopping. He called several times and when I got home, he tells me that he now realizes that "he needs to make himself happy." I am confused!
The next morning, he gets up and works out, drafts shopping lists for household projects and goes to the hardware store and comes home with about $500 dollars in materials. He spent Sunday and part of Monday doing household repairs and ccompleted projects that he started but stopped doing after he returned home. What is going on? It seems so strange to see this person who has been sitting watching TV every night and weekends transition to the person I remember - he has been more active in the last three days than he has been all summer and fall!
He even planned and shopped for dinner last night without expecting me to do it! This is just strange. I haven't bugged him or nagged at all since the R talk on Friday. Is this saying something?
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
