(((Pur))) Breathe. That's all you can do right now. Calm yourself and take care of yourself. Your post sounds like you're doing a lot of mind-reading and projecting. Realize that and see it for what it is.

I know you might feel like you're in limboland right now but you have control of how how you respond or react. You are reacting out of emotion (fear) and that's understandable with what you have in front of you. I can't remember, are you in IC? If not, can you get some counseling? My T has talked me off the ledge several times and helped get he focus back on me and what my next step was.

Your H will do what he will do. You need a plan for what you will do independent of his actions. Yes, you've heard it before, you can only control you. He's told you what his plan is, so base your plan on the best information you have. Nothing will be solved today and nothing needs to be solved today. Just do what is right for you, get out of the house, go for coffee, go to a movie, exercise, take a walk, anything to get you out of your head for awhile. I found that meditation really helped with those moments of sheer terror anxiety.

Change in happens slowly and it doesn't happen easily or without pain. It won't happen at all without taking the bull by the horns and taking charge of ourselves.

Put the focus and Pur and what is best for her.

Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss