"Her recent overtures maybe lost something in the translation but after she cooked you or made you some food &offered it, you said you had already eaten and left the room"
25 that^^^^was an intersting observation. W is on vacation this week so on Tuesday she got up to make me breakfast I told her she did not have to and thought I was being caring and thoughtful. I wonder how many times I have done this? Trying to be caring but came accross as uncaring? But I trully was trying to be that. In regards to the the "I have eaten already" it was 10 pm and just had dinner at brother's house. So I was not hungry.
It is true I have only blown up like I did this summer a handful of times. But I have said cruel things without any blow ups.
Regarding my sons there is no one to blame but myself. I can only be better from now on and I am in contact with the younger one. The eldest is angrier at me. But will keep trying.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
And this is why detachment is important. When you're not detached you strive to do things to make your W happy, rather than simply doing what makes you happy and letting that settle out. Would you have liked to eat a homemade breakfast that morning? If so, then you should have. Let her make it, she offered. Instead you shut her down AND went hungry... where's the win in that?
It's not your job to make your W happy, it's her job. She offered to make you breakfast and you took it upon yourself to make her happy by not having her make breakfast. But how would you know that makes her happy? You're not her.
Christmas Day my W offered to let me take a nap. Normally I would've said no, you take one. Instead I took it. It actually annoyed her that I did it, but so what? She's a big girl and can deal with it. And you know what? She did and figured out a way we both got naps. That made us both better off in the long run. But trust me... my heart was in my throat as I took her offer of taking a nap since it was so counter to what I have always done.
Married 6 together 8 Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both SS12, SD10, S6 Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann) W moved out: 2/18/12 D final: 11/12/12 Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
Thanks for keeping me honest guys. I felt a bit defensive today? Have not felt that in a while. Hope it is normal. Actually thought of leaving the board. because I felt like crapp and that all was lost and that I was just a screw up. But no I will keep going.
Well today I tried something different. Our D ate with us so I made funnies. W and D laughed. I felt like picking W up and taking her to bed and well u know. I have been telling myself that I don't love her that she is not attractive but that is not true. I am madly in love with her and always wil be. That really scares me. So wish me luck.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
"Thanks for keeping me honest guys. I felt a bit defensive today? Have not felt that in a while. Hope it is normal. Actually thought of leaving the board. because I felt like crapp and that all was lost and that I was just a screw up. But no I will keep going."
Rick - when you feel defensive that usually means there is a kernel of truth and/or something you should think about.
Glad you have decided to stick with the boards. Just remember we are all in this together and will help each other make it through to the other side.
PS so you seem to have found something that works (i.e. making funnies). Make a note of that and file it away for future use when appropriate.
BTW I think you are a funny guy, so there!
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
2tp Thanks I told W that it is supposed to flurry tonite. I said that if she was too cold she could come to bed to keep warn. She said ok. Trying a new approach let's see.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Lol well atleast you got a laugh out of her when you made the offer. I know what you mean about having a nothing to lose attitude. I feel this way as well. In fact, I felt so strongly about it that I fell off the DB wagon
Oh well, I guess we just hang in there until something changes or we just can't do it anymore.
M:(f) 35 W: 45 3 dogs and 2 cats T: 9 years 9/30/11 I love you, but I'm not in love with you OW confirmed 12/23/11
Well a few hours left to the worst year of my life. I have never experienced so much loss in such brief period of time. M, father, dog, friends ,neigbhors inlaws you name it. Life changed in a second, unreal.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Never had those before.