NorthStar, Your h is starting to wake up and is reconnecting w/people.
Allow him to come to you. Listen closely and watch his body language. I know that you are curious and would like to have answers to all of your questions, but sit tight...he will tell you everything in due time.
Reconnection takes a while and your h must feel safe in order to do so. You've shown him that you and your family are "safe" because if you weren't, he wouldn't have spent so much time w/you. Don't destroy that "safe" place by pushing too hard too quickly. Treat him as a friend...no expectations.
As for this weekend's big blast, do not ask him what he's planning to do. He's not baked enough to have you question him about what his plans are for this weekend. Don't push...open the door and allow him to enter at his own pace.
As for where he lives, I'm not surprised to hear what it looked like. I can almost guarantee that the inside didn't look much better than the outside. It's sad, because we all think that they are living the good life and when you actually see how they are living, you come to terms w/the fact that they aren't doing as well as we thought.
NorthStar, you were given a "magical gift" this holiday season. You were given the gift of seeing your h waking up and also hearing some of what he has been doing w/his life. Many do not hear or see the things that you saw. You now will need to dig deeper for patience and whatever you do, curb the urge to push for more. You are at the stage where many fail because they attempt to rush the reconnection. I do not want to see you fail.
The new year is right around the corner and it's a new beginning. I'm hoping that your h will continue to wake up and will want to return to the marriage.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
