We are closer than we have ever been, there is definitely more mutual respect, and we lovingly cuddle every night.
Of course not everything is perfect. Sex while increasingly frequent is still not to the way it used to be years ago.
I imagine your W may be going through something similar, but I can tell mine wonders why the crazy desire is not there.
I'm sure orientation issues are also wreaking havoc, I bet she does love you, but can't understand why everybody else is so much more interesting.
I think you'll find that as your marriage stabilizes you will find yourself in a sex starved marriage.
The issue I think is intimacy.
In order to be intimate it requires a great deal of trust and self awareness.
I believe it was Schnarch who termed the 6 levels of sex.
Level 1 is sex abuse, one uses the other. One is hurt, and the other does not gain any emotional happiness.
Level 2 is no strings attached sex. Both partners enjoy the physical aspect but get nothing out of it emotionally. Most one night stands fall here. It can be exciting and fun, but in the long run leaves you feeling empty.
I think your wife may be here since this is the stage that requires the least vulnerability.
Feelings of love and caring are absent. Iif a marriage only gets level 2 sex, it will eventually feel monotonous and mechanical. A possible explanation why she doesn't find you attractive. In other words it gets old.
Novelty is needed in order to keep the flames going if you are stuck at this level. "Novelty" often translates into other people.
Ok so where does this leave me? We're trying to move past level 2.
All I can say for now is that it's a lot of hard work.
