Hmm, not feeling to great right now. H came home from work and seemed concerned. I left him alone though. Then, while eating dinner, he asks how my IC went. I'm thinking "hey, it's a good thing he's interested". I ask him if he's given more thought about going to IC, he said he's been thinking about a lot of stuff today. He said he did a budget today and said that it scares him financially. He said that he's been looking for apartments all day. He said that he's scared that I'm going to keep our son away from him. He asked how I'd want to split things. He wants to have 50-50 custody over S4. I said that he's too young to be dragged back and forth and needs a permanent home with visitations. Then he said that I'd be limiting his visitations, etc. We got talking about us again and what went wrong. I told him I did many things that hurt him without knowing what I was doing. I said that I've learned a lot and know the person I don't want to be, etc. He said he didn't believe me and that it's not me.
Then, I talked about the 5 love languages (a book I just started to read) and that our love languages are different and we didn't know what each other's love languages were. The more I read, the more I see things clearly. He seemed a little interested in that, though he seemed to think that if you're love languages are not the same, that you're not compatible. That is absolutely not true. You just need to be aware of the other person's love language and try to do a few things to show the other person love.
Anyway, he seems pretty certain that he wants to move out. This bums me out. I do think that he still cares about me, but he is so hurt by what I did or didn't do that he's not willing to try to forgive me and think that we can make this better. Now he's off to soccer again. Who knows what mood he'll be in when he gets back. Usually, he seems to withdraw even more.
