Curve balls? Heck, I don't even play softball!!!

[sunshine76]

Hi 25 (Sorry IS!!! hijacking again), like your daughter I confided in my sister because I had absolutely no idea how to confront my mom with this information. The funny thing is my mom ended up going to my sister and saying, "I have known your sister is gay for a long time, when is she planning on telling me." I know that your situation is a little bit diffrent because this has come as a big shock to you, but I have to tell you when I found out that my mom accepted and loved me a gigantic weight was lifted off of my shoulders and it no longer mattered to me what others thought.

Everyone on this forum stresses the importance of loving yourself and figuring out what it is that makes 'you' happy and everything else will fall into place. You have obviously set a very good example because it sounds like that is what your daughter is doing right now. She is in the process of finding out what makes her happy.

As for not knowing of many gay couple that have made it past 15 years I can tell you that I personally know of one couple that was together 51 years (his partner passed away 2 years ago). I also have a friend that has been with her partner 28 years. I think that the reason you may not see much of it is because the older gay generation seems to be much more 'closeted' they have faced alot more discrimination and will go to great lengths to protect their jobs and they are not as willing to put themselves out there for fear of rejection. Think about how far the gay rights movement has come in a relatively short period of time. There is a much diffrent mindset between the younger and older generation of gay people (in my opinion atleast).

I know that you said your husband feels remorseful for being absent during a crucial time in her life. Those are obviously feelings that he needs to work through. The bottom line is that it is NO ONE's fault and we could go on for days debating nature vs nurture, but what's the point in that.

I guess the retorical question is, what is it that you actually want for your daughter? If the answer is happiness, than you have to be able to relinquish control over the things that you cannot change and know that by continuing to love and support your daughter you are helping her achieve happiness.

The bottom line is being gay makes up a tiny part of who I am and I wouldn't change it for anything. In fact, if I was given the opportunity to live life over again and was told that I could choose my sexuality I would definetely choose being gay. I would probably choose to come back as a gay man because they just seem to have so much more fun. Lesbians can be a little uptight, but whatever

I would say that you are doing a great job of dealing with everything so far. When you have a 'bomb' of any kind dropped you have to cut yourself some slack, educate yourself, figure out what it is you want and then come up with a plan to get there.

25 you have been so much help to everyone on this board and I just wanted to thank you for that. I will be thinking about you and your family. Hang in there!