WAW told me she idoesn't want to be married.

[workinghardguy]

Witz... I hear similar things from my W. It is fear she is working from, so while you may want to approach it rationally understand that she is being driven by an irrational source.

Quitting your job would be silly. What would that get you? Remember, she has left so why would you quit your job to assuage her feelings?

The other advice I would give is what I've received on these boards... divorce/separation is a business decision and agreement. It is not a vehicle for reconciliation, revenge, retribution, or showing love. You need to make decisions from a business mindset. What is best for you? What is best for your daughter?

In negotiations/discussions with my W, for example, I offered voluntary alimony payments (though they aren't technically since they won't be court ordered). I did that because W was willing to keep our S on her health insurance. If he was on mine my premium would be $400 more per month. So, I split the difference and gave her $200 of the $400 I'm saving.

Why did I do that? Because I've looked at her budget numbers. I know what they are, and that $200 could go a long way towards having my S live in a house where things aren't as dire as they could be. At the same time I built in safeguards... if she gets a good raise then my money stops, if her student loans are deferred my money stops, if she moves some guy in my money stops, and if I have an income reduction it stops.

But let me highlight the third one... if my W moves in a guy. That was not to be controlling of her. It's one reason it's only $200/month extra. I calmly explained that if some guy moves in I feel it is reasonable that he will help pay for household expenses, AND that it is not reasonable for me to pay for her to live with someone. And it's $2400/year that some new guy would displace... I would hope any guy she brings in makes at least that.

But each of these were done with what is right for me and right for my S, SS, and SD in my mind.

It isn't pleasant and won't be. Just because she's mad or stressed isn't your problem. Be honest, be fair, and make this about your needs and finding a middle ground with hers.