Curve balls? Heck, I don't even play softball!!!

[25yearsmlc]

thanks Sunshine, I appreciate it and so does my d. (Sorry for the temporary hijack IS)

Our son25, has been very close to her for years, and has known a lot longer. So she's had someone in her corner but still, he told me of her internal shame that she felt for a long time. It breaks my heart.

While I "mourn" the loss of the dreams/vision I had of her future, I am hoping to replace it with a more generic "find a soul mate" hope for her and leave it at that.

My h is struggling with it and I know for a fact he feels remorseful. I hope that his remorse for being absent at such a crucial time in her life, won't convert into resentment (a Russian author wrote "when men feel guilt, they attack" and it rang true for me then) or useless guilt, but something more constructive. But alas, as we all know, WE cannot control another person, just us.

Sunshine, I wish I knew more gay couples who were happy together forever...of course we can all say that about straight couples too, I know.
But I Do know some straight married couples who have been together for decades and seem happy still. I don't know any gays who have been m for more than 15 years and those are rare.

You think So it's harder for gay couples to stay together (less familial/societal support??) To me, I fear it's another downside to being gay for my d, on top of dealing with the bias she'll face in other areas. Not that I can do anything about that, but you take my point.

We live in Southern California, & she's an artist, so she's not aware of how it can be elsewhere. But I am.

I've heard plenty of things that she would never hear in her circle & might crush her. I am not around a lot of condemning evangelicals but

I heard the mother of a gay girl say "She's an abomination" about her own d, & I wanted to slap her. (Oh yes we did have a chat!)

My d is such an optimist and an open souled person, I dread the day she tells me "someone said x to me"....

So, how has Your family supported you in this crisis?

IS, same for you. Other than your brother's recent involvement, (for which I was glad) Do you feel you've gotten much support?

And the estrangements you had with them, does Any of that seem to belong to you?

remember your w said you were "too in your head" and it bugged her that you didn't get along with her mom, or were you just too busy= distant??

I know you agreed with SOME of her feedback way back when...

you said you could have made more effort with your mil. Why do you think you didn't before? And do you feel that you could have made more efforts in other family r's like your own?

Was it you being socially inactive and perhaps a tad lazy (or selfish?)

OR
is there so much history it's too much to go into?

I'm asking b/c I want to know if you made your w your whole world socially,

b/c IF SO, that's a lot for HER to be responsible for...it's wearing. And

You did say you let her make all the social efforts...what's that about?

more importantly, what are you doing about it?

ONE upside to a crisis is how some r's in your life become clearer to you and you will know that SOME friends/family members are only there for the good times - (so call them to party when you get a promotion!)

but some are there for you in those long dark nights of the soul.

They're blessings.

IS, you asked about feeling worthy of love. Implicit in that is whether you are worthy or deserving of happiness. And even when you know it in your head, that's not the same as..."knowing" it & feeling it through and through...

You have so much in you -"locked" behind a door that all you need is the key to unlock it. It's there!

Your answers and the "click" that a key will provide are so close, and you are so ripe for growth and leaps forward.

We know you are a person of depth and when you let your guard down to embrace that, it won't frighten, it'll free your soul to open again and yes to TRUST

b/c you will never ever be in such a vulnerable place again

NOT b/c you won't trust...no...

b/c you will know your inner worth, that you deserve happiness, you will FEEL it, and KNOW IT,

and this knowledge of that worth so fully felt by you-- WILL MAKE YOU A HAPPIER WOMAN for good, with or without another person.


You'll find that it's okay to risk your heart when you know you still have some left inside of you that will be taking care of YOU...

it is not something you divide up but multiply, just as if you had a 2nd or 3rd child. You don't divide your love, you multiply it.

When you learn to love yourself fully, truly, then the "risk" of giving your heart won't be high

b/c you'll retain enough love for yourself- BUT without holding back from them

So get yourself to Philadelphia for that workshop, and get the key to unlock your heart...