Shelby - I didn't want my divorce either, after 24 years together. And I had a somewhat similar story - ex's affair, reconciliation (although a true reconciliation, with some wonderful years together) then down the rabbit hole again.
At one point after he finally left, though, I read this quote:
"Let go or be dragged"
My hair was falling out from the stress, and I stopped and thought - is this how I want to live my life?
So I let go. And you know what? My life today is SOOO much better. I have come to realize that so much of my life's energy was being expended on trying to make things "ok" for him. And the men I have dated since my divorce LOVE those things about me that my ex used to criticize! My current boyfriend is handsomer, younger, and most importantly, has a kinder heart than my ex.
Your health crisis has shown you how unpredictable life can be - given that, don't you want to be LIVING EVERY MOMENT? Don't waste another precious moment on him or his weakness. Get out there and enjoy your life! Make an exciting new one! Tackle new things! (I learned to play the drums in a rock band )
As for the family - it's the sad truth that blood is thicker than water, and they are stuck trying to find some way to continue a relationship with him. Be grateful that they have been as close to you as they have (none of my in-laws reached out to me except my MIL and one cousin - and I was close to them and in the family for 24 years!) It's uncomfortable for everybody.
You know, you lived my big fear - I always felt that my ex would not be there for me if I had a major health trauma like breast cancer. But the first boyfriend that I had after the divorce (now an ex, because his old college sweetheart showed up - who can blame him? - but still one of my best friends) - well, I know that if I got some terminal illness, HE would totally be there if I needed him. And my current boyfriend is taking good care of his mom who has a health problem - a good sign.
Write a new script for an exciting life. And get that divorce done so you can make sure you get everything you deserve financially.
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