I may be a bit scarce for a while as I sort some of my stuff out. I'm sure others will be along to help support you.
I did want to leave you with a couple thoughts:
+ I think the "Do unto others" is more about "SHOWING borders, as well as leading by example"
+ I agree that we should not give conditionally (I'll scratch your back IF you scratch mine) and that giving is NOT about getting back BECAUSE one gives. Rather, giving unconditionally with no expectations of return, in ANY way, shape, form, or vector.
+ In the end, I do believe that "lesser of the evils" is how to approach choosing actions. IOW, your indication that you sacrificed does not have to make you a martyr. Unless you set your sacrifice on a pedestal for all to see. I didn't necessarily see my actions of being highly focused as the stay at home parent as sacrifice, although I DID understand that by doing that and not getting a real job to financially provide for my family was a major issue for my W. For me, I was damned either way. So I chose what I felt was best for the kids and best for me... In some ways... I sacrificed my W and my M...
I do think you have your head on straight, Andy... It is written here often that no matter how we grow through this experience, we don't change our core values and we don't have to do things that have no value to us and don't have any value for our kids or spouses...
We don't have to change WHO we are... just little, consistent efforts that exchange what may be negative behaviours for positive behaviours which still honour our core values and end goals...
