Starting over....again !

[Shelby]

I haven't been on in a long time, several months.

Most of that time I have felt like I was moving forward...but this Holiday season has really sent me back.

Just to fill you in. December 2005. I found out my husband was involved in a 2 1/2 year long, long distant affair. He only told me because the girlfriend threatened to tell me herself. He broke things off with her immediately and we tried to work on our marriage. In may 2008, 1 week after finishing breast cancer treatment my STBX told me he wasn't happy and wanted a divorce. I went right back into survivor mode, if I even left it, and tried to save my marriage. We went to counselling about 3 times before he stopped, and therefore I did too. He stayed for 2 more years almost exactly. In this time I would see things that would give me hope that we were moving in the right direction.
In May of 2010, he told me he again he wasn't happy and we should think about divorce. Again I was devistated. He never told me he already had met with a lawyer or had divorce papers written up, I only found this out after he had me served at my work on July 13, 2010. Up untill this day we were still living as a family, eating dinners together, sleeping in the same bed, ect. He even took us on a spur of the moment family trip to an amusement park the Friday before he had me served. I was totally shocked to be Served. That was the last day he lived here. He never slept here again. He came over a night or 2 later and told the girls took some stuff and that was that. To say were all in shock was an understatement.

He said he was living with work friends.only months later did I learn that he was having a affair with a co worker and they were living together. As of this past summer the 2 of them have purchased a home together. He moved an hour away.

Currently we are still not divorced. I am living in our home with our daughters. He visits them once a week for a couple of hours. They have only been to his house 1 time when they were driving by it, he stopped to show it to them. The girl friend was not there, although they have met her briefly 1 time.

I remain extremely close to his mother and his family. I think this is part of the reason of my recent set back. Untill a month ago he has not It introduced the girlfriend to anyone from his family. I recently found out that there has been a meeting with the girlfriend and his parents a couple of weeks ago. My MIL did not tell because she didn't want to hurt me. And my ex didn't tell me. He took my youngest out to dinner, told her and she filled me in. My mother in law did tell me the meeting was awkward. And now my MIL is having the EXand the girlfriend up for new years dinner and she will meet my BIL and his wife and kids.

I know all of this was inevitable. But it still hurts. Hurts real bad.

Here is this woman my ex has been having an affair with for who knows how long, years probably. Probably since the first time he wanted to leave and now they are just going to accept her. If I look back at things I see things I probably choose to ignore, I am sure now this affair has been going on long before he left.

Ughh !! I know I just have release all of my anger and move on. I need to get back to the basics of GAL. I need to start over TODAY.

In the past 5 months I have lost 40 pounds, have started exercising and in 2012 I want to do my first ever 5k. So while I think I have made some positive changes in my life. I need to keep moving in the right direction. Even through everything I have been through with my EX I still can not get him out of my head. What the heck is wrong with me ?

Thanks for letting me ramble on. I am hoping getting back on here and journally and hopefully getting some words back from others in similar situations will help me clear my head and help me let go.

Thanks, Shelby.