Putting it back together, but SSM issues linger

[Accuray]

Thanks Greenblue and Hopeful, I'm out of the country but will provide a better response when I return.

One thing I'm thinking about is the fact that relationship books all tend to stress the importance of asking to have out needs met. Some go so far as to call it a "right" within the context of marriage.

The same books also state that it's imperative to accept your spouse for who they are without expecting any changes from them.

This is obviously a contradiction in advice if your spouse is not willing or able to meet your needs without changing, and this contradiction goes unaddressed in the books -- but you can't do both!

My W and I had a good discussion the other night and I brought up this contradiction. She said she faced the same dillemma -- her need for quality time wasn't being met but she felt it was her job to accept the fact that I wasn't meeting that need. She resolved that contradiction by having an affair and asking me for divorce. How do I resolve it?

Accuray