On the other thread you indicated a couple of your W's complaints.
Originally Posted By: leopoldstotch
Well sandi her complaints about me are that I have a "you only live once" attitude towards our finances meaning I would spend our money on things we didn't need instead of paying the bills but that stopped a while ago and I have recently taken charge of paying the bills. Another big complaint of hers is that when we do argue I always have to be right. It has been some time since we've had an argument since I've made the decision not to go back at my W when she is upset with something.
Other complaints if you can call them that are that we have nothing in common, we never liked eachother and we don't like eachother, we aren't the affectionate type. That's about all I can recall right now. Presently I would say our sitch is in limbo. I'm not telling her I love her. I'm acting as if nothing is wrong and I'm not talking about our M at all. Even though we are still under the same roof I am following the advice in the DR. Thx for the replies and please keep them coming.
What about the flip side of the coin?
As I'm sure you noticed, your W is skeptical about your 180’s regarding her complaints. That’s natural. She’s fully aware that you want to save your M, so she’ll apply ulterior motives to your 180’s, and assume that as soon as you get what you want, you’ll slide back into your old ways.
But consider this. Your W fell in love with you for who you are. Right now, she’s concentrating on the negative. Doing a 180 on your shortcomings is only half of the equation.
Originally Posted By: leopoldstotch
we have nothing in common, we never liked eachother and we don't like eachother...
You know that this statement is a load of krap. Obviously, she “liked” you 25 years ago. Obviously, you had something in common 25 years ago.
I think that if you put some thought to it, you could find a lot of 180’s you could do on the positive side of the equation to prove these statements wrong.
Think about it. But tread carefully. You don’t want to appear to be pushing your positive traits on her. That comes off as pursuing!
Try to find some of the old things that made you special and do them on your own. Maybe find some things you enjoyed doing together, and do them on your own. It just might tweak some memories in her, and who knows? At some point, she may even decide that she wants to join you.
Work on your 180's with Hopeful321's list of do's and don'ts in mind.
