I Will Survive...

[sunshine76]

Hey everyone, I hit 100 posts so I am starting a new thread. Here is the link to the old one.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2201715#Post2201715

25 I hope that you don't mind that I stole one of your song choices and used it as my subject.

I find that I have to keep reminding myself that no matter what happens I am going to survive this mess and I truly am going to be in a better place.

Purg, thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers. I went to a movie with a friend last night so I actually wasn't here when she got home and she was asleep when I got home. I'm sure I will see her for a few minutes this morning and I haven't decided if I want to be here when she gets home tonight. It's really difficult to be around someone that you used to trust with every ounce of your being and know that now you can't trust a damn thing that they say. Anyway thanks again and i will update you later.

[sunshine76]

Well I just saw my W downstairs. I asked her how her mom and brother were doing (they both have health issues) she briefly responded and that was it.

This is the first time that I have seen her since I found out about OW and all the lying... I just feel disgusted when I look at her. I maintained my composure was upbeat... but the whole time I was thinking... I don't like you and I deserve better!

Up until this point I have admittedly been trying to DB for her. Don't get me wrong, I like the positive changes that I am starting to see in myself, but I realize that I was doing it so that she would take notice in me and not so that I would become healthy and happy. Well I think I just had a lightbulb moment. I am done making changes for her because quite frankly I don't see us working this out. From here on out the changes need to be about me.

[Rick1963]

Sunshine you are def a wise a@@s just like me Nothing wrong with it. My W loved that side of me, trying to turn it back on again.

I don't remember but did you comfront her with OW? There are people in here who say to do it and others say not to.

Yes the changes are for you and only you. The saying is " to become the best you that only a fool would leave". Hang in there

[sunshine76]

LOL my W loved that about me as well and quite frankly I think it is a very attractive quality

I haven't confronted my W about other woman, but I am getting really close to it. What do I really have to lose. Like you I am extremely honest and I cannot stand shady people. What I can't stand even more is people thinking I am dumb and that they are doing a good job of lying.

I would love to get some input on people's experiences with confronting their spouse about the other person vs. not confronting them.

[labug]

Here's an old thread I've been reading.

having a plan and letting go

interesting...

[kolja]

I am done making changes for her because quite frankly I don't see us working this out. From here on out the changes need to be about me.

That's a big, and healthy moment. It certainly was for me, even though our situations are different. I still would like my wife and I to be able to work things out, but the EMPOWERING and healthy thing about the realization you mention is the realization that even if that doesn't work, I'm going to be not just fine, but BETTER, either way.

[purgatory]

Sun- glad I found you're new post

SUPER PROUD of you for not being there we she got home!!! Such a huge leap forward for you!

I'm sorry that you 'see' someone different when you look at her, it's impressive that you are able to admit that you've been DBing for *her*, I think we all start out the way (he!!, I think I still am).

As far as confronting her, of you choose to do so- make sure it's not in the middle of an argument or other discussion. It should be done with a calm mindset so she won't instantly be defensive of you attack the subjet (did that make sense?! I think I rambled through what I meant, sorry)

I agree that you DO DESERVE better!! And I think you should continue to be a smart @$$- it IS a very attractive quality.... Witty, funny and smart, who wouldn't want that?!

[JustStunned]

Sunshine: something that came my way last year. I do not remember the original poster and it has been modified slightly from the original. I placed back a line about the OP for that is what I remved for my use. Just food for thought, adjust as you think fit, keep the boundaries clear.

W, I've told you before that I still love you and still think that we can have a great life together as both a couple and a family. I've not changed my mind on that. But I understand you are not happy, that you do not feel happy or complete inside.

You need to do what will make you happy. By my side, we live as partners, we share everything and we would do anything to help one another. But that's only if we continue as a team. I will not share you with another person.

I won't stand in your way. But I also will not help you leave this marriage or this family.

I hope you find the happiness you are looking for. Go do what you need to do. You know where I will be.

[purgatory]

Where did the sunshine go?

Hope you have something fun planned for New Year's night!

[sunshine76]

Hey guys thank you all for your support and words of wisdom.

Well I fell off the DB wagon and have been in a funk lately.

I confronted my W about OW. She said that she went on 2 dates with this person while she was out of state visiting this person. She said nothing will ever come of it because neither one of them where willing to move to be with each other.

My W said that right now she is just not capable of having feelings for anyone. I asked her why she was dating if she wasn't capable of having feelings for anyone. She said she needed a friend and she like being fun and flirty. I said that dating implies an emotional and physical R so obviously you are capable of it.

She told me yet again that she just doesn't have 'those' feelings for me and she wasn't in a position to give me what I need right now. I think she is dealing with major depression, MLC and menopause.

She said that she is not sure that she is making the right decision about us, but she doesn't want to string me along because she may never be able to feel 'that way' about me again. She said she loves me and doesn't want to lose me as a friend.

I asked her if she wanted to take the dog hiking on this weekend. She said yes, but wants me to have no expectations and no strings attached. Ugh, I don't even feel like going after all of this.

I have no idea what I want or what to do at this point.