Hi Guys, I've started a new thread following hitting over 200!!
After Xmas day, wife and I have spoken everyday since, usually about the kids, but we are talking, big change after 4 weeks of no contact!!
Its all been light and easy going.
Last night she came to the house to see the kids for a while, I have them all week, she is back at work and I'm still on holiday.
It was all fine then she asked if I could help her with some bills this month, it was xmas, she was nearly broke and it would really help. We started to talk about it, our daughter got a little upset, she thought it was an argument, so I said I'd call her when she got home
I went in the bath and called her to talk about things, basically xmas has wiped her out, she has the house to pay for, bills etc, and was really struggling this month, I asked her why should I really?, I gave her our home, I'm not allowed inside, and theres another guy there when he's home?
She said that he had nothing to do with this, fair point, she had not stopped me from coming in, she had and I told her so, and this month was a 1 off, she knew I had the money, and it would really help her, but she understood if I said no.
Then we got on to us again!!! I know big mistake!!
She said that she she is still hurting badly and is still upset by all whats happened, she actually said she missed me at times, thats a new one!!!, but the hurt is still larger than the feelings of missing me. Again I listened and validated, I told her that the 4 weeks of no contact was better for me at first, I just got on with things and was happy, but over time I missed her more than ever, she said she understood and knew what I meant, not sure if she saying that she felt the same, but it did sound like it.
She then mentioned my AA meetings and said that I wasn't the only 1 needing councelling,she needs to understand what happened also, again I'm not sure but I think she is having some councelling somewhere,this is the first time she has mentioned this, she followed this up by saying how hurt she was still
I told her I was happy in everything in my life, I was fit and well, work was good, our kids are great, but I cannot help how I feel about her, we have been apart 14 months and it still hurts, again she said she understood, not sure if that means she is hurting also or just agreeing with me.
She told me she still had a lot of bad memories and had them daily, the neglect and the hurtful comments when drunk, she said that I didn't understand how much I hurt her, I told her I have tried to understand, and would like the chance to make new good memories, that the hurt I caused only I can put right
I didn't mention OM there's no point, it's obvious he's just a crutch for her, this is all about me and her, he's just a by product of the situation.
So I guess it's back to no contact as best I can, she has to go through what ever she has to go through, the pain is still there, I cannot help her if she won't let me
I know she still loves me, I'm in the same place I have been for the past year, it's not getting any easier or better between us, I don't know if I should now look for a new relationship with someone else?
I miss my wife, I love her, but I cannot go through the rest of my life like this?
She knows my feelings, and I know hers
We get on fine, we love each other, I've lost my anger and resentment and I'm in a good place, but there seems to point in trying to convince myself theres a future for us, I need to move on.
If I do, I'm doing it for me, I have a lot going for me, and I have a life to live, I just don't want another year like the last.
If I meet someone else, I'll still love my wife, but maybe it's time I had someone being there fo me, someone for me to take places and sadly someone to benefit from the changes I have made and the lessons I have learnt
I so wish that person could be my wife, but if she doesn't want to be that person, there is no more I can do.
