The not so Waste Land

[Harrier]

Ahhhhh. the little spitfire returns. Thanks for taking the time to hunt me down.

Okay first, I think that your w DID make a big deal about the phone calls and maybe OM is wigging out somewhere and lying...but I'd remind your w ONCE that you hope she'll be sure to follow up so you can move forward with trust.

No score keeping and Angel the reason I think Harrier ought to bring this up is b/c it's recent and of HER making...

I agree and will probably find a way to bring it up under that context. I don't necessarily agree with Angel about leaving the print out of the phone records.I'm sure my W would see that as passive aggressive.

I want to clarify the alleged phone call was NOT to the OM but his friend (her other mentor) . My W had a couple of text conversations as well as a couple of phone calls to this other guy that were work related as something came up over the trip.

While I can't be 100% sure, I doubt this other guy would play games or tell my W that for the OM. He is a good guy, very by the rules and has high integrity.

My contacts with the OM - one phone call dialed and the office thing was last year about this time. Only recently did the OM tell my W's mentor about it.

as for the moving back in...ouch I am of mixed feelings. Money DOES matter so let's give that a point.

But I sure wish there were other reasons SHE alluded to but you let slide. Why not ask "like what other reasons?"

Perhaps I wasn't clear. She told me the other reasons. She thought the separation did it's job of relieving a lot of the pressure between us. She said she felt more comfortable around me. She sees it as a sign of progress that she can live around me.
But you are right, I didn't ask her directly.

Finally, is there any way you can use this move and your reluctance to move back (which I suggest you DO SHOW her...don't look so eager, please....trust me on this)

to get her to Retrovaille?

Well I am reluctant on the move. I've been doing a lot of thinking and really can't imagine just keeping the status quo, but in the same house instead of 2. in fact, I haven't even talked to my landlord yet or given him the notice. I feel like I need a commitment from my W before I give notice.

Retrovaille is something I would like to bring up...but the rub is that the next one in my area is almost too soon. Jan 22-24 (I think) After that, the next one is in April.

you are not exactly in piecing but it's like you both want to be or at least you both want to see what you might rebuild

yet without her saying "yes let's put the foundation down"...and "then rebuild"

if you go to Retrovaille she does NOT have to commit to the m before going...she just needs to commit to going

and THEN discover what you are willing to commit to.

Let's say it turns out she wants OUT...then find out sooner rather than later.

But Harrier, Retrovaille will NOT make her want out...it will either save your marriage or prolong it.

((( )))

I agree about piecing. I just feel most comfortable posting here. Mainly because of what you said about her not saying she wants to put the foundation down and rebuild.
I don't know where she is. i know where I am and I am acting in a manner that reflects my desire for a new marriage.

We do have an MC session on Jan. 4.

She has been talking a lot about our future i.e moving back to our hometown, where we would live, taking a family vacation in May.

Honestly, in my heart of hearts, I don't think she wants out. I mean during our trip home It felt like old times a lot. I made her laugh more than I've done recently and she was more attentive than she has been in a while. I just don't get that feeling (I know not to mind read)

But I don't know if she wants in, either. It's like there is a block to that and I don't know what that is.