What else could I have done?

[25yearsmlc]

there is NO way your d's are going to positively answer you anytime soon...

the response you got from one of them was the BEST you could have realistically hoped for. Be grateful!

Now leave it alone. No more pressure on them to forgive you. You said what THEY needed to hear...and they don't need to DO anything with that for now. Let it sink in to them. For at least a few months...

Make sense?

And listen to Sun's wisdom. It's good stuff.

The circular part of this is what strikes me the most.

You were feeling so bad about yourself, you said, that you neglected and mistreated your family WHILE married...you had a low self esteem and took it out on them...

okay so what's new now?

so now they are reeling and hurt and lashing out-

and you are sad...and not responding in a way that helps them OR YOU...and

you feel bad about yourself b/c of your past...

and so...you interact with them in ways that so far have reeked of YOUR needs to fix or revise the past, or change it

or MAKE them see you in a way that you want them to see you

BUT you are not yet there...

and so...you are repeating the problem.


Now, you have told them you are sorry and that you hope THEY can let go & forgive FOR THEM, not for you...but for their happiness.

Now, can you start doing the same?

you keep asking how? Yet you think THEY know? They know what they see.

They see their mom moving on, albeit with some zingers launched your way.
But you keep on wanting the score to be even. YOU bring up the past so they do.
Instead, become the man you want to become. DO IT...

All that matters is YOU letting go of the past and showing yourself and your family that you are NOT the same man you were.


What "proves" that? Not words much right now...(surely no critical ones)...

and Not the big grand gestures so much as

small but consistent changes + sufficient time = change they'll believe in.


Be affirming when you talk to them, but do not talk much for now.

Be kind to yourself and it will show in your kindness to others. Let it in, and let it out.

((( )))