Sorry to be so quiet the past few days. Some of it was GAL and some of it was blowing up in my face, sadly. Merry Christmas to both of you as well! I am trying to catch up on as many posts as I can.
Christmas started out nice and it seemed like he wanted to be here with us, and my family came to stay with us for Christmas eve. He was pleasant to them but distant (I tried not to read into anything).
Christmas day we went with his family and I spent it with everyone but him. It was nice enough and I just wanted my kids to have a nice day.
So we took the day off yesterday and were planning to do something with the kids. Took them out for the day and he was pleasant but distant.
In addition to changing his password, taking his phone to the bathroom EVERY time, and turning his phone to silent..yesterday I glanced over while he was texting and noticed that he had deleted ALL of his history. Only 2 texts were showing as if he had a brand new phone. Big red flag.
So I did what I swore I would never do again and I snooped. I checked to see if I could access FB with an old pw and he had deleted all private messages back to 2009. Left some archived and hard deleted the rest. One that he had archived was him a guy he used to work with. The guy was talking about having an affair on his wife (planning one) and my H said "you don't have to explain to me, I am no saint either" (this was from the end of September.)
If there is OW, I am fairly certain I know who it is. She was a friend of mine too until the end of the summer and just dropped off the face of the earth. Texts him but not me. When I texted her a few weeks ago, he got jumpy. I can't believe how blind I was.
I have done nothing with any of this yet.
Last night we were watching tv and he said 'my life sux, it is still groundhog day. You and the kids need so much from me and my life is not my own. I have nothing outside of work and the gym"
I told him that he clearly is asking for space and he can have it. This morning (in the sober light of day) he said "I am not asking for space, I was just feeling pressure"
I said "you accused us of being joined at the hip (exact words) this weekend (over Christmas), and if that isn't asking for space I don't know what is. Take it and find what makes you happy"
Tonight I am going out with a girlfriend. I have to figure out what I want. I no longer know if I want to DB, or better yet I will do it for me and my future. I no longer know if I want my M. If there is OW, it is not the first time and I can't keep doing this. Every time he becomes unhappy this is going to be in my head. I have responsibilities and pressure and don't respond like this, because I am an adult. He needs to grow up already. Sorry I am angry.
I promise not to stay away so long next time. I have the info for a divorce lawyer in my back pocket should I need to find out my rights. I want to be sure to protect me and the kids fully, but waiting for now. Trying to get through his parents anniversary party that I helped to plan, don't want to ruin for them or my kids.
