I wanted to stop by and give you support as well. You've posted on my thread a few times and I really appreciate it.
I can definitely relate to your sitch where you feel that you've come out of something and see the destruction around you. It really [censored] to look back and see the things that we've done, said, or our actions that contributed to this. But I think the main point is that we see it NOW. Yes, maybe it took us a long time to see, but what matters is that we see it now and are willing to do whatever it takes to make things better.
I think your H is showing many positive signs and you're doing awesome in keeping your cool. I find it very difficult not to get emotional. I, too, feel a little more relaxed when H is not around, mostly because I don't know what to say and how to act. I feel like I always need to be aware of everything, think before say or do anything to make sure I don't back slide. I know how you feel about coming across his emails. Though I never saw the messages, I did see that my H was getting many FB messages from his coworker. I did confront him about it and it didn't go well.
How long until you see your kids? I am so grateful for having my S, especially in these difficult times. He makes me so happy. It's nice to be able to get a hug and kiss. It's nice to hear him tell me how much he loves me, and I can freely say it back to him. I want to tell my H how much I love him, but know it's not a good time.
