How do you let go? Calling it quits.

[hope2011]

I guess i am rushing so i dont beg him to fix it. Because everytime we argue he pulls the "we are too different" card and hangs D over my head without sayung it until now. Its emotional blackmail to get his way, stop the argument. I know he halfway wants the D, halfway wants to shut me up and give in to the kids drama. either way, its cruel. It has to stop. Making plans to move is a 180 for me, its GAF for me. And maybe part of me wants him to wake up and see what hes losing and change. but i know his ego would never let him apologize or really try.

My grandmother died in march, her house is empty. I can move there rent free til summer and pull myself together. But its in another state and i would have to move and re-incorporate my work there. I cant afford to live where i am alone on my salary, the cost of living is too high. If i move, i can afford surgery i need, take some time off and follow my dream to visit europe. I will have family close by. I am all alone now. i am trying to look forward.

I dont know what else to do. Usually i back down and things are good for a while, until i disagree with him or need his support. I cant do it anymore.

When i told H about moving to my grandmothers house, he didnt say anything. When i told him my friend could do the D paperwork if we keep it simple his response was "why are you involving your friend?" I told him because i cant afford a lawyer and i was just trying to do what he told me i have to do -move on. He didnt respond. He have heard him sniffling a lot in the next room and blowing his nose in the shower. I know hes upset but its because he feels like a failure, not because he doesnt want to lose me. I know he is realizing losing me greatly hurts his custody chaces with the boys, he wont have a vehicle to drive, i wont be around to be a witness for court with them, his parents love me and will be upset, and hes losing his best friend and pretty much only real friend. Hes upset about that. I know he couldnt care less about breaking my heart or where i will live or if i will be ok.