Where to next?

[mishka422]

Kat, I can't imagine you being scared EVER! You are superwoman to me! Thank you for sharing that, it does help me feel a little better.

Now do me the next favor and answer this question: Do you want Gabe in your life? Don't think just yes or no. Do you love him? yes or no? Does he love you? yes or no. don't hesitate on a single one. go with your gut. You may surprise yourself.

Those are good questions Kat. Do I want Gabe in my life? - Yes. Do I love him? - Yes. Does he love me? - I don't know.

That last one got me. I honestly don't know. Sometimes I'm sure he does and other times I think he's just tolerating me because he has no place else to go. It is odd. It's likely my own perceptions and not really him but I just don't know.

I do know one thing though, I still don't trust him entirely so it becomes a question of, can I live like that? There are red flags and I am scared to address them? Why am I scared? Why can't I speak up? He gets so mad if I ask him about them which leads me to think he is hiding something but then, instead of pressing him, I back down and end up asking him if he will forgive me for being upset. WTH is that? Why do I feel like I should apologize for feeling distrustful? It's not like he's done any work to regain my trust and he thinks he doesn't need to since he's "there".

I don't know what to do. Love just shouldn't hurt this much should it?