Like Two Sparrows in a Hurricane (1)

[MAL]

My son and I are leaving this afternoon to drive up to RC’s sister’s place. We are staying with his niece, but will be spending some time with the family at the farm and at his niece’s.

I think I may have shared it in one of the earlier posts, but just in case…

The original plan was to drive up there to bring his mom back. So she could spend the week with her family and not rush back. RC had to be back at work. When she told me about it, I mentioned that I was off for a few days and would be able to drive up there. I love going up there anyway, and it gives me time to see the parents of my good friend who died earlier this year. I am still close to R’s sister and her H, and I’ve been to visit them since RC and I broke up.

So that is how it all started…Back then, when I made the offer, I didn’t know things would be the way they are with RC. It was a gesture out of the goodness of my heart, and the timing worked well. I didn’t have any expectations and it wasn’t meant to be a way to pursue RC.

Now these questions are going through my head…Am I supposed to return the same gestures and check in with him while I am gone? When I get there? What I’m doing?

I know that on the ride home with his mom, we should check in, so he’ll know his mom is okay. I just don’t know that I owe him the same texts he gave me while he was there. Most of me wants to keep my silence. If he texts me, respond (meeting him where he is at), but nothing more.

Then there is the upcoming weekend. If my suspicions are correct, and his friend is coming into town this weekend, there are some things I need to work through:
--I don’t know what time we will get back to their place on Friday. If it’s early enough, we should be there early enough. If it’s later, is there a chance that his friend could already be there? I don’t know, but it’s something I need to consider.
-- He hasn’t mentioned his friend coming this weekend, so there is still a good chance that I could walk into church Sunday morning, and his friend is sitting there with him. That is something else I need to consider.
-- I am the queen of “act as if” but I am not going to willingly put myself into situations where I have to do that.

I am trying to prepare to let go and move on, and remain friends. I need to let it play out and “what will be will be” and I feel like I need to establish some boundaries with him, if I can just figure out where they are. But I know that that text messaging stuff over the weekend can be compared to “Jedi mind tricks.” I feel like I’m moving to a better place, and then I get pulled back again. I need to get off the ride!

Okay, I’m done journaling now….it really helps to lay this out on paper – or, ummmm, on my computer screen, lol.