How do you let go? Calling it quits.

[hope2011]

i post here off and on, havent been consistent in posting but fairly consistent in DBing. i will post links to my threads when im on a computer and a not a mobile.

Some history.....

Married 3 yrs after dating a year and a half. 2nd marriage for me, 3rd for him. He has 2 boys, 16 yr old twins, who are completely out of control and make life here harder every other week. I have no surviving children.

Marriage has never been easy. H is control freak with everything but his kids. He made all major decisions, he has a temper, he hasnt been supportive of me at all. In short, H is a jerk, as some of you here told me. But like most jerks, he has good moments too and i loved him and his kids.

After several bombs, i thought we were doing a lot better with DB and i even started posting in Piecing. But i was fooling myself. He dropped the final bomb last night. He wants a D.

Christmas was hell, the boys were beyond horrible. 1 of them didnt want to go with us to see family and threw a fit, calling us names, he hates us, used profanity, hit H. H grabbed him, didnt hit him. Long story, he ran off and told the neighbors and they called his mom. Police showed up at my family's house on Christmas because she said H assaulted him. He didnt. Boys were rude, disrespectful all through the holidays and stole my truck for 2 days. H didnt punish them for any of it.

We get home and now he wants a D because we are "too different" and "wasting our lives". i agreed with him. Even if he is just stressed out, its wrong to keep playing the D card. This morning and he is "not ready to make decisions". But says we need to move on. There is no OW, i am sure.

So now i am completely devastated and need to find a place to live. I have to leave. I have done good not crying much, no begging. I did suggest family therapy and his response was "i dont know". for me, i need to leave here happy and ready to start a new life, where there is hope for love and a family of my own someday. I need him to see me happy and back to the old me and i need him to regret ever letting me go. But i need to move on. And i need help from the BITS because i am completely alone and cant do this on my own.