I'll just have to stop talking to her for a while I guess. The thing is, I'm so afraid that that's exactly what she wants me to do and she will never text or call or come back if I do that.
Hey Edgarb, I am in a similar sitch except I still live with W (definetely positives and negatives to both).
I completely understand your fear that she will never text or call you if you cut off communication. I have the exact same fears. The fact of the matter is that they know where we live, have our phone number... if they want to contact us they will, but as of right now our W's want nothing to do with us and the sooner that we can start to wrap our minds around this the sooner we will be able to begin detaching. Don't get me wrong I am no where near being detached. I still haven't been able to figure out how to do it. But, I realize that right now I need to do everything in my power to protect myself from getting hurt even more by all of this. If you reach out to her and she doesn't respond it is just going to make you feel even more hurt, sad, angry than you do right now.
I know this all totally suxs, but in my opinion the sooner we realize that we cannot control their choices the easier it is going to be for us to start detaching a little bit.
Hang in there!
Thanks sunshine76. Detatching has been the single hardest thing for me to do. I know in my mind that I have to let the relationship with the OM run it's course. I can give others that advice. I know that I can't let my emotional state be tied to hers. However, I just can't seem to get it figured out. i guess in my mind we still have a chance and i don't want to let go of that. The corollary of that is that she probably doesn't think we have any sort of chance at all and she wants to move on. I did a lot of things wrong, especially at the beginning of this back in August. Before that, she still wanted to hang out and have fun. After our big fight in October, we've hardly spoken. It just hurts to see her family embrace the OM and everyone thinks he's so great. They've spent the last few weeks together (he lives 6 hours away) so my main hope I guess is that by spending all of this time with him, flaws will start to come out and she'll realize maybe he's not everything she thought. I have this sinking feeling in my heart that it's really over and nothing I can do will make it any better. I just want to hold her again and love her and be the husband I wasn't.
Anyway, thanks for the advice. I'm going to attempt to have no contact until at least January 3, which is when i speak to my divorce coach. Hopefully, we can come up with a solution. It seemed like we were making progress, going from a 0 to a 3 or so. However, since I last spoke to my coach, the progress has vanished and we are back to maybe a 1 or something. Definitely moving in the wrong direction.
I know that a lot of it is that I want her to see me, but it really upsets me that she won't come see our dogs. They were such an important part of her life, yet now she's left them twice. She says she doesn't have time, etc etc, but that's not true. If it was important, she'd make time. I just want this to work more than anything and I'm having a hard time with it going in the wrong direction. It hasn't gotten any easier. Thanks for the words of support. I really, really appreciate it, even though it's not always what I want to hear. It definitely is what I need to hear. Thanks again.
