Too little, Too late.

[purgatory]

I am so grateful to have a 'family' that understands what I'm going through and is always ready and willing to give support.... Thank you so much!

journal:
When H left yesterday, he said would call me tomorrow (today)... but he called and text me 4 times within the first 3 hours. The last call was to 'keep him company' while he was driving. I said: 'isn't your brother sitting next to you?' to which he responded: 'yeah, but it's not the same' (imagine the excitement running through my head... but I stayed calm on the phone with him.) He started into a R talk, so I went with it. These were some of his questions:
-So, how do you like the separate vacations? I think I bit off more than I can chew by choosing to travel with the boys alone.
me: This isn't how I pictured my holiday vacation.
-I haven't seen you have a break down in a while, are you handling things better?
me: better than a month ago, yes. but it's still not my favorite thing to go through and it hasn't changed how I feel about you.
(somehow we drifted into dating talk...)
-You don't need to worry about me dating for at least a year and a half.
me: Uh, thanks?
Cause I hate the dating game and I don't want a fling, I want a serious relationship. Since I'm leaving to go overseas in 6 months and then gone for a year, there's no point in dating until I get back, that should make you feel better.
me: no response.(of course in my head I wanted to say: well then don't get back in the dating game!! Isn't it more valuable to spend time and effort getting to know me again, instead of getting to know someone completely new?? We have a history and kids- wouldn't it be better to work hard a developing our M instead of developing a new R?? Choose to date me!!)
**The separation papers and D word were never discussed... this is now going on 6 days of no talk about those!**
We talked for about an hour total and we talked about the kids, a story I heard on the news and other non-R stuff. I left the conversation a little confused. The impression that I got was that he missed me but didn't want to tell me (maybe that's wishful/foolish thinking.)

**on another interesting note: H had taken his ring off a month ago when he dropped the bomb. I assumed he put it away in a drawer or box... but when he was leaving for the trip, I saw it- on his keyring. He has it with him everyday... I'm going to put that as a positive in my book!

Today: I got to spend 12 hours traveling on only 2 planes because of all the delays in Atlanta due to weather I updated H on my flight status (he had asked me to) and he responded with short replies: "so sorry babe" (BTW, he still calls me babe and I noticed that I still call him that too out of habit I guess... but he's never said he has a problem with it, interesting?) But when I finally land, I text to let him know- and I get nothing. Granted, it's 12:30 his time and he has the baby probably sleeping next to him, so I guess it's not unreasonable that he wouldn't respond right away.

Now I'm tired... going to try really hard not to initiate calls/texts this week with H. This is really the first time since the bomb that I won't be seeing him everyday... could be interesting