WHG: When last we heard from our action hero...

[workinghardguy]

Journaling... Saw my W briefly this morning. I slept in and she spent the morning with S. I got up and hit the treadmill... gained a pound back with all the holiday food and haven't exercised in three days, not good. It's sad too... I was on the treadmill calculating that if I spend X more minutes then I'll only have to interact with my W for X minutes before she leaves. And the interactions are fine... but even when they are pleasant they still are a reminder of what's missing. As detached as I get that still stings a bit.

Spent the morning with the kids and then went in to work. S's meds make him uber-hyper which is getting very trying. I see "old me" coming out in frustration and anger. I need to find a way to check that.

Worked late and came home, my mom spent the afternoon with the kids. Got home and we all played XBox and Kinect games together, that was a lot of fun. I put youngest two to bed and W got home. A little bit of interaction before she headed over to her friend's house. W starts night shifts tomorrow night so she's trying to stay up most of the night tonight. But before she left she told me she as an appointment in the morning to see a rental house here in town. It's way cheaper then the rest, which means it's likely in bad shape. But one more step on her path.

Only interesting point from today was that W used our Amazon account to purchase "Is it Love or Is It Addiction?" for her Kindle. I saw the transaction when balancing our checking account. It's a book about people, particularly women, and how their need for security and safety drive them to moving from partner to partner. If she were to ask me I would fully agree she has this as an issue. If the book does her some good then good for that.

Still dreading the day we tell the kids. I just wonder what post-telling life will be like in our house. I suspect my next IC appointment I'll ask to spend some time on that. There is a lot that confuses me on how to handle it, particularly the questions that may/will come afterward.

Also poignant is that the XBox has really given SS and I something to bond over. Games like GOW, COD and MW3 are way too advanced for my S (not to mention horribly inappropriate for a five year old) and SD and W have zero interest in first person shooters. So the games give my SS and I something that is just ours to do together.

At this point I am convinced W is moving. The only chance I see for a change is if the reaction of SS and SD is so severe and negative that she rethinks the plan. However, considering how self-focused my W is right now I don't think any amount of sorrow or pain coming from the kids will sway her one bit.