@sunshine - thanks for your input. You' re right that I need to focus on my mom.. She s extremely happy to have me home.
As for my dad.. This is just part of the growing pains of breaking free from my codependency. My dad is very abusive and shares alot of qualities that my w did. It's a hard thing to realize you were part of an abusive relationship, it's a hard thing to break free of... And it's super hard to see it happening in front of your face.
@rick. I'm sure I am reacting a little. History has shown me that I tend to get upset AFTER the holiday!
The thing is that my w didn't treat me that way when I was fighting for my marriage. It's always been that way. I am aware of rewriting history but I am very in tune with my feelings also. The last time I had this anger was when I realized how "ugly" I felt and how she contributed to that. It wasnt a one time event.... It was multiple events causing the same feeling. I don't know if that makes sense.
@JS. First off. Happy Holidays friend. You have been on my mind frequently. I hope holidays with the inlaws went ok.
I do feel overwhelmed and trapped. I usually run when I'm angry and it was raining in PA today. Plus my mom gets so concerned, she has a hard time letting me be.
I have started DBing My friends and family.. My dad is just really difficult. There are many demons there.
Bruises from battle are to be expected.. I'm just ready for the war to be over. If it truly is in the LBSers hand to say "I'm done" then how do I do that? My head is on board an so is most of my heart. How do I get that last little piece to let go??
I understand the testing myself. I passed my test as I checked another holiday off my list of not reaching out. Accepting the situation for what it is and realizing that breaking this codependency does not come without effort or pain.
I say it is testing my faith because I prayed on Christmas. I prayed that my w had a good holiday and I prayed that I could accept whatever happened. To Let God drive this bus. I didn't like his choice... It hurt... And honestly I haven't experienced being hurt out of tough love. I have been hurt because people didn't love me....
..... Which is why I feel my faith is being tested.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
