What else could I have done?

[25yearsmlc]

Antlers, since you did not include your letter to your ex wife about your "concerns" I cannot assess your d's assessment. But any discussions you have with your kids, regardless of THIS letter, are off limits. Why would you ever bad mouth their mom? What could you gain by that?

I have never seen it do anything but backfire on the talker...fwiw, I'd say the same to your ex w. She "brainwashed" them and now they think you are doing the same thing.

The former spouse who says nothing bad about the ex is the "winner" in the kids eyes...and the kids of course also benefit from NOT having to assign blame or choose whom to love.

My daughter and I have been gettingsay along well for over a year and a half (she admitted recently that for the first 18 months after her mom left, her mom and older sister "brainwashed " and poisoned her and my son against me). She's been running with a rough crowd and her mom leaves her alone for entire weekends at a time while she goes out of state to see her new 'soulmate'.


If this is true, the kids know! You don't need to say a word about it...ever...
it hurts them enough as it is.

My daughter just turned 15. She recently got arrested for shoplifting, and I had to pick her up from school recently because she got sick after taking a bunch of Coricidin Cough and Cold.

How'd YOU react when you picked her up? That was an opportunity for a real 180 for you..was there any need to tell her mother anything other than that there was an arrest? Think about that before you react....

I sent a letter to her mom with my concerns about our daughter...which she showed our daughter...and now our daughter is mad at me.


I have a feeling the letter was more about your ex wife than your d....but maybe I"m way off here. If your d is "mad" at you for the letter, there's more to it than your "concerns" in the letter...



She sent me the hateful text last week, but I could tell that much of it was coming from her mom and older sister. My son chooses to live with me. This is the text...

"Dude. What is your problem? Like, for real. Get your family to leave me, my mom, and sister alone. Were all sick of the [censored] we get from yall. Were about ready to change our numbers. Its harrassment. Also, I cant believe you. Putting brother in counsling? No. That is way to far. He doesnt need that. The only way he would EVER need to go is because of YOU. YOU never shut up. YOU drove mom out. She doesnt like you anymore. Stop your [censored] and move on. You dont even understand how annoying it is. Shes happy now, and if you still "Loved" her like you said you do, then youd be glad she found someone whos not an ass to her.

I don't have much to say to this^^^ except I would not have any R talk with them.


Stop talking about mom to me and espically brother. She didnt cheat on you.

You MUST NOT bad mouth their mother to them, ever. It's in the past and That's not "Defending yourself"...and even if it were, is it working?

I'd have to say NOPE.. with your history of negativity and abuse (per YOU), I wouldn't let a word of criticism out of my mouth around my family ever again..
Lose the scorecard.

By your own admission you'd lose anyhow. The more you bring up the affair she denies -(b/c you want to be right more than you want to be happy???)

the more you keep the scoring active and the more YOU LOSE...



You made her so unhappy she didnt even WANT to have a social life. Because of YOU. YOU made her life hell for 17 years, and you refuse to take the blame for it. You make up these stories to make yourself feel better about what you have done to her. What do you and "Mimi" think yall are accomplishing by doing this? The only thing yall are doing is pissing us off and making them hate you even more. Stop it!?

Just to say this once more, do not bother them about their mother or your marital history again. it's not as important as you make it out to be; it's NOT working at all

and in time if you let things settle down, some good memories might get a chance to resurface...


Seriously!!! And if this is how your gonna act, stop talking to me. Youve gotten weird. I dont like it.

that sounds like you have changed negatively to her. How about that? What does your c say? Have you seen a shrink? Why not? After all this time with this much drama still going on, it's okay.



And I dont like the fact caleb has to live with you acting like it. He doesnt need counsling. For you, I cant say the same. Your not my dad anymore. Your a liar and obsessive. You do things to make yourself feel better, not thinking about the consiquences.



Dont tell me and brother about how bad mom was to you. We saw the [censored] you did to her. We heard it. And we felt and heard what you did to us. Stop pretending it never happened because it did and that will never change.

fwiw
I said the same thing to my alcholic dad once too. Not sure if he really had forgotten the abuse b/c of the booze or just wanted to. I did NOT want to talk about it, he did. So I "corrected" his revisions and he never brought it up again. Years later he got sober and we were close again. Then he died...

Don't "correct" their memories. It does not work, and it's almost always seen as or really is, self serving.



Me and caleb and mom and kelli will remember that stuff till the day we die.


THIS IS THE SADDEST PART OF THE LETTER...IF I WERE YOU, I'D HOPE THAT SOMEDAY THEY CAN LET GO OF THE PAST AND LEARN TO BE HAPPY...and you do the same...

Prove you have changed and that will be the start. Do NOT call attention to it. Just hope for their sake they can move on...

You block it out and live in denial about it. I dont understand how you do that!? It hurt us all. You [censored] up our family. IF you wanna call it that. None of us were happy, mom hated life, i hated everyone and everything, brother was a truant AND HAS GOTTEN WORSE SINCE LIVING WITH YOU, sister got out of the house as soon as she could. Has it ever occured to you that this was all your fault? You were a controlling, abusive bastard and none of us ever wanted to be around you. And your still a liar. You told me I could trust you and thats bullshit. Ive seen what you sent to mom. 


did you violate her trust? If so, how?


1. I dont fuckin roam around town whenever moms asleep. I did that once and it was in the summer. I was with Preslee and Sophie. 
2. The fact that you think ive done drugs on really insulting. Why would you even think that? Im your fuckin daughter and you said that without asking. 
3. IS THERE A PROBLEM WITH THE PEOPLE I HANG OUT WITH??? IVE NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS. ITS NOT MY FAULT SOME OF MY FRIENDS MADE BAD DECISIONS. DONT YOU EVER [censored] MENTION ANYTHING LIKE THAT TO ANYONE AGAIN. THEYRE MY FRIENDS AND TALKING [censored] ABOUT THEM IS LIKE STABBING ME. 
4. Friend didn't have a warrent out for her arrest whenever we were dropped off. If it was such a big deal, you should have said something to me. Not thinking you know whats going on. 
Take my brother out of counsling. I dont care if you say stuff about me thats not true like youve been doing. I dont care if you do anything.


can't address this^^^ since I don't know what she's talking about...



DONT DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT TO MY BABY BROTHER. I LOVE HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING.


actually this^^^ is a lovely sentiment she expressed. Focus on this and feel gratitude that your children sound close to each other. That's a gift.



I WOULD DIE FOR HIM IN A HEARTBEAT. HE DOESNT DESERVE THAT. I cant believe you would do something like that. I am so mad at you I cant hardly stand it. Youve put my baby brother through more than he should have ever been through. I will never forgive you for doing this to him. Ever. 


if she is referring to the counselling, that's up to HIM isn't it?


And stop blaming my actions on my mom. I am the way I am because of ME.


enough said...she's right...leave your anger at her mom somewhere else. You cannot use every mistake the kids make as "evidence" of their mothers sins IF THAT IS WHAT HAPPENED.. I assume you get this now.



NOONE influences me. Ive chosen to do everything. Im the only person that influences myself and what I do and how I do it  Nothing mom has done has driven me to be this way and if I ever hear you say that again, there will be consiquences.  My mom is an amazing mother. I make all these decisions. I chose to lie if I do, and I chose to walk around town. She lets me know EVERYTHING. Im updated by the hour. She lets me know everything 24/7. You dont know what kind of mother she is cause your so busy making up stories you ignore the truth. Stop blaming others for your own actions. You are a 50 year old man. I would think you were more mature than that, but obviously I was wrong. By the way, even though you refuse to believe it, cousin tried to get me drunk. She got me and my best friend to get her Zanex and Loritabs. And last off, she hit me. Shes lied about everything. 


this may be of concern. I tend to believe your d on it. Why lie now?

And the more i think about it, the more I see why you believe her over me. Shes just like you. You both kiss each others ass and its sad. Like I said; your not my father anymore. He wouldnt do this kind of stuff to me and his other children. From now on, your name

to me. A liar and a backstabber."

how did you respond to this?