What else could I have done?

[25yearsmlc]

not much to process Antlers...

I mean, not that it doesn't bother you but there's nothing "wrong" in your ex wife dating someone.

IT has been 3 years and your son's loyalty to you has delayed his meeting OM a long time. The poor kid isn't allowed to enjoy his mom's company or his sister's if OM is there. Or at least he's not allowed to show it.

How about telling your son "it's okay to have fun there"...??

Give him permission to feel happy around you. It's not a zero sum game where your ex wife's happiness means you lose something.

her happiness should NOT relate at all to yours...Honestly, no one's should.

If she has a break down on the freeway that doesn't make you happy right?

If she wins the lottery, are you sad? See, I think you might be and that's a problem. Your "justice" has to be up to YOU and getting a life.

Her misery or happiness cannot be the index by which you measure YOUR life...but only YOU can change that.

I have not heard much about that. What are the GAL's again? And the 180s?

Not the vague promises that you "won't take love for granted again" b/c I think you are now, with your son. Specifically what 180s are you doing with your ds?

What did you reply when they wrote to you?

Sun's onto something here about you being stuck...you reply to what I ask but do you let any sink in?

You are choosing to stay stuck and you rationalize it well. I mean really well, with all the "present day regret" about the past as if that's somehow different than being stuck. It's not.

You want absolution? Go to a priest.

Forgiveness is not something you get to demand. You can give it or withhold it. Those are YOUR ONLY options.

And it applies to what you give yourself as well as others.

Antlers, though I hear your real regret, I do not hear that you have forgiven anyone for anything...

You hold onto grudges about your ex wife's failure to forgive you, .that's YOU holding onto what you think she is holding onto and it's a crazy cycle...

I'll go re-read your d's post to you. Can't say much on it til then but I will tell you that our 22 d was deeply wounded by my h's mlc and his absence.

2 years ago she wrote a card to her dad on Father's Day.

It said in part, "I'm ready to let you back in my heart"....she later told me she was premature (oh well) but i think she meant, she was ready to START...

It can happen. Give it time.

Maybe you can tell your d's that you hope they learn to forgive you and let go of past pain b/c you'd hate for it to affect their happiness or cause them more pain. Then leave it at that.

I AM a believer in ADs...especially when I see a grief induced thought disorder. I have had one, been there and done that.

When I read your words of pain this far out, I say you need more help than you are getting. No shame in that Antlers. But get the help. You will benefit and so will your son and anyone else in your life.

Is your son getting some c? I hope so. I feel for him. He sounds torn. Go do something that makes you guys LAUGH

rent some comedies or go see a live comic. Please DO some fun things.

No more brooding...