OK - obviously we don't know everything going on with you. But I'm still reading your focus on HER and HER activities and HER new guy. etc. And how SHE doesn't acknowledge what she did to you. Or how SHE influences your kids. You cannot change her or her actions. You can only change YOU. That's one of the things I've been working on just since Halloween...taking the focus off of her and her activities and her new guy, etc. I now realize the futility of wanting her to acknowledge her actions...and even understnad better why she won't! She does influence the kids, but I now fully realize that I have no control over that, but I do have control over my actions and reactions and responses. I know I cannot change her or her actions...I'd rather change my responses to whatever she does to responses that will benefit me and are positive and good for me. I can change me. I have done so, and I will continue to do so.
I know you don't want to talk about the discussion with ex MIL again but you wrote about it again today. "Let it Go" is the advice I gave you last week. But the reason I wrote my last post is because you are writing the same thing over and over again. You are not letting any of it go. I only mentioned it today because I was talking about my daughters and said that they are mad at me because of it. Other than that, I have 'let go' of that exchange with exMIL. I'm working to 'let go' of all of the other painful stuff that I've been holding to. I have made some progress since Halloween. Maybe not much...but some.
That's great that you are making some changes. But, although I do not care for ADs at all - sometimes you need them and it might be worth a consultation regarding your depression again. Often ADs are a lifelong drug although I'm sure know more about them than I do. I'm gonna have to get by without them from here on out. I've been off of them for a long time, and don't want to start them up again. It was a step forward for me to stop them when I did. I need to be stronger mentally than anything else right now...and I'm learning how to do that.
Antlers - sometimes I do kick your ass but I am trying to get you to turn a corner. It's coming up 3 years for you and although we all move forward at a different pace - it seems you've been stuck for a while. In all honesty - I do not think you are over your ex. I think you kept hoping she would come back and now that she is in a committed R (not unusual at the 3 year mark) - the finality is causing the reality of the situation to hit home. I don't mind getting my ass kicked if it'll help me...and I feel like your posts help me. I'm damn ready to turn that corner that you are trying to get me to. I hadn't done much of anything for that 3 years except exist, especially mentally. The 3 years was really an 8 month separation, then a 13 month long divorce, then a post divorce period of just over 1 year. Next February will mark 3 years since our family ceased to exist. I have been stuck, especially mentally...the entire time. At least up until last Oct. 31st. Then I decided to get unstuck. I admit that I'm not over my exW...but for the first time since she left, I want to be! And I feel like that's a step forward. You're exactly right Barb. I did keep hoping that she'd come back. And once I found out that she was in a commited relationship (it was only 1 year after the divorce), the finality is definately causing the reality of the situation to hit home. You nailed it. And that realization has been the catalyst for me to 'let go' and become more focused and move forward in a positive way.
Just trying to read between the lines. Nothing wrong coming here to vent - we have all done it. But we don't usually hear the same thing repeatedly - venting is usually about new developments. You've read pretty accurately. I'll be more happy when I can vent about new developments. Sorry about sounding like a broken record too, but it helps to vent about old feeling and things that aren't good for us too.
Hope your C is helping you and is solution focussed. I think it's helping. The solution is me letting go of the pain that I've been holding on to.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
OK. I need some feedback. I've known that my daughters have been around new guy quite a bit. Son, who lives with me, never has. New guy came up from Texas to spend several days at exW's for Christmas. Son has been over there to visit some every day for the last 3 days. He hasn't said anything about it, and I haven't asked. Tonight as I was coming home from work, new guy was dropping my son off at our house. It bothered me. New guy being at exW's has bothered me too. These are new feelings for me. They're uncomfortable to say the least. Son still hasn't mentioned anything about new guy, nor have I. I felt like crying about it while I was driving to the gym, but the tears wouldn't come. I'm numb right now. Guess I'm at a loss how to process this stuff.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
I mean, not that it doesn't bother you but there's nothing "wrong" in your ex wife dating someone.
IT has been 3 years and your son's loyalty to you has delayed his meeting OM a long time. The poor kid isn't allowed to enjoy his mom's company or his sister's if OM is there. Or at least he's not allowed to show it.
How about telling your son "it's okay to have fun there"...??
Give him permission to feel happy around you. It's not a zero sum game where your ex wife's happiness means you lose something.
her happiness should NOT relate at all to yours...Honestly, no one's should.
If she has a break down on the freeway that doesn't make you happy right?
If she wins the lottery, are you sad? See, I think you might be and that's a problem. Your "justice" has to be up to YOU and getting a life. Her misery or happiness cannot be the index by which you measure YOUR life...but only YOU can change that.
I have not heard much about that. What are the GAL's again? And the 180s?
Not the vague promises that you "won't take love for granted again" b/c I think you are now, with your son. Specifically what 180s are you doing with your ds?
What did you reply when they wrote to you?
Sun's onto something here about you being stuck...you reply to what I ask but do you let any sink in?
You are choosing to stay stuck and you rationalize it well. I mean really well, with all the "present day regret" about the past as if that's somehow different than being stuck. It's not.
You want absolution? Go to a priest. Forgiveness is not something you get to demand. You can give it or withhold it. Those are YOUR ONLY options.
And it applies to what you give yourself as well as others.
Antlers, though I hear your real regret, I do not hear that you have forgiven anyone for anything...
You hold onto grudges about your ex wife's failure to forgive you, .that's YOU holding onto what you think she is holding onto and it's a crazy cycle...
I'll go re-read your d's post to you. Can't say much on it til then but I will tell you that our 22 d was deeply wounded by my h's mlc and his absence.
2 years ago she wrote a card to her dad on Father's Day.
It said in part, "I'm ready to let you back in my heart"....she later told me she was premature (oh well) but i think she meant, she was ready to START...
It can happen. Give it time.
Maybe you can tell your d's that you hope they learn to forgive you and let go of past pain b/c you'd hate for it to affect their happiness or cause them more pain. Then leave it at that.
I AM a believer in ADs...especially when I see a grief induced thought disorder. I have had one, been there and done that.
When I read your words of pain this far out, I say you need more help than you are getting. No shame in that Antlers. But get the help. You will benefit and so will your son and anyone else in your life.
Is your son getting some c? I hope so. I feel for him. He sounds torn. Go do something that makes you guys LAUGH
rent some comedies or go see a live comic. Please DO some fun things.
No more brooding...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Antlers, since you did not include your letter to your ex wife about your "concerns" I cannot assess your d's assessment. But any discussions you have with your kids, regardless of THIS letter, are off limits. Why would you ever bad mouth their mom? What could you gain by that?
I have never seen it do anything but backfire on the talker...fwiw, I'd say the same to your ex w. She "brainwashed" them and now they think you are doing the same thing.
The former spouse who says nothing bad about the ex is the "winner" in the kids eyes...and the kids of course also benefit from NOT having to assign blame or choose whom to love.
Originally Posted By: antlers
My daughter and I have been gettingsay along well for over a year and a half (she admitted recently that for the first 18 months after her mom left, her mom and older sister "brainwashed " and poisoned her and my son against me). She's been running with a rough crowd and her mom leaves her alone for entire weekends at a time while she goes out of state to see her new 'soulmate'.
If this is true, the kids know! You don't need to say a word about it...ever... it hurts them enough as it is.
My daughter just turned 15. She recently got arrested for shoplifting, and I had to pick her up from school recently because she got sick after taking a bunch of Coricidin Cough and Cold. How'd YOU react when you picked her up? That was an opportunity for a real 180 for you..was there any need to tell her mother anything other than that there was an arrest? Think about that before you react....
I sent a letter to her mom with my concerns about our daughter...which she showed our daughter...and now our daughter is mad at me.
I have a feeling the letter was more about your ex wife than your d....but maybe I"m way off here. If your d is "mad" at you for the letter, there's more to it than your "concerns" in the letter...
She sent me the hateful text last week, but I could tell that much of it was coming from her mom and older sister. My son chooses to live with me. This is the text...
"Dude. What is your problem? Like, for real. Get your family to leave me, my mom, and sister alone. Were all sick of the [censored] we get from yall. Were about ready to change our numbers. Its harrassment. Also, I cant believe you. Putting brother in counsling? No. That is way to far. He doesnt need that. The only way he would EVER need to go is because of YOU. YOU never shut up. YOU drove mom out. She doesnt like you anymore. Stop your [censored] and move on. You dont even understand how annoying it is. Shes happy now, and if you still "Loved" her like you said you do, then youd be glad she found someone whos not an ass to her. I don't have much to say to this^^^ except I would not have any R talk with them.
Stop talking about mom to me and espically brother. She didnt cheat on you. You MUST NOT bad mouth their mother to them, ever. It's in the past and That's not "Defending yourself"...and even if it were, is it working?
I'd have to say NOPE.. with your history of negativity and abuse (per YOU), I wouldn't let a word of criticism out of my mouth around my family ever again.. Lose the scorecard.
By your own admission you'd lose anyhow. The more you bring up the affair she denies -(b/c you want to be right more than you want to be happy???)
the more you keep the scoring active and the more YOU LOSE...
You made her so unhappy she didnt even WANT to have a social life. Because of YOU. YOU made her life hell for 17 years, and you refuse to take the blame for it. You make up these stories to make yourself feel better about what you have done to her. What do you and "Mimi" think yall are accomplishing by doing this? The only thing yall are doing is pissing us off and making them hate you even more. Stop it!? Just to say this once more, do not bother them about their mother or your marital history again. it's not as important as you make it out to be; it's NOT working at all
and in time if you let things settle down, some good memories might get a chance to resurface...
Seriously!!! And if this is how your gonna act, stop talking to me. Youve gotten weird. I dont like it. that sounds like you have changed negatively to her. How about that? What does your c say? Have you seen a shrink? Why not? After all this time with this much drama still going on, it's okay.
And I dont like the fact caleb has to live with you acting like it. He doesnt need counsling. For you, I cant say the same. Your not my dad anymore. Your a liar and obsessive. You do things to make yourself feel better, not thinking about the consiquences.
Dont tell me and brother about how bad mom was to you. We saw the [censored] you did to her. We heard it. And we felt and heard what you did to us. Stop pretending it never happened because it did and that will never change. fwiw I said the same thing to my alcholic dad once too. Not sure if he really had forgotten the abuse b/c of the booze or just wanted to. I did NOT want to talk about it, he did. So I "corrected" his revisions and he never brought it up again. Years later he got sober and we were close again. Then he died... Don't "correct" their memories. It does not work, and it's almost always seen as or really is, self serving.
Me and caleb and mom and kelli will remember that stuff till the day we die.
THIS IS THE SADDEST PART OF THE LETTER...IF I WERE YOU, I'D HOPE THAT SOMEDAY THEY CAN LET GO OF THE PAST AND LEARN TO BE HAPPY...and you do the same... Prove you have changed and that will be the start. Do NOT call attention to it. Just hope for their sake they can move on...
You block it out and live in denial about it. I dont understand how you do that!? It hurt us all. You [censored] up our family. IF you wanna call it that. None of us were happy, mom hated life, i hated everyone and everything, brother was a truant AND HAS GOTTEN WORSE SINCE LIVING WITH YOU, sister got out of the house as soon as she could. Has it ever occured to you that this was all your fault? You were a controlling, abusive bastard and none of us ever wanted to be around you. And your still a liar. You told me I could trust you and thats bullshit. Ive seen what you sent to mom.
did you violate her trust? If so, how?
1. I dont fuckin roam around town whenever moms asleep. I did that once and it was in the summer. I was with Preslee and Sophie. 2. The fact that you think ive done drugs on really insulting. Why would you even think that? Im your fuckin daughter and you said that without asking. 3. IS THERE A PROBLEM WITH THE PEOPLE I HANG OUT WITH??? IVE NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS. ITS NOT MY FAULT SOME OF MY FRIENDS MADE BAD DECISIONS. DONT YOU EVER [censored] MENTION ANYTHING LIKE THAT TO ANYONE AGAIN. THEYRE MY FRIENDS AND TALKING [censored] ABOUT THEM IS LIKE STABBING ME. 4. Friend didn't have a warrent out for her arrest whenever we were dropped off. If it was such a big deal, you should have said something to me. Not thinking you know whats going on. Take my brother out of counsling. I dont care if you say stuff about me thats not true like youve been doing. I dont care if you do anything.
can't address this^^^ since I don't know what she's talking about...
DONT DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT TO MY BABY BROTHER. I LOVE HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING.
actually this^^^ is a lovely sentiment she expressed. Focus on this and feel gratitude that your children sound close to each other. That's a gift.
I WOULD DIE FOR HIM IN A HEARTBEAT. HE DOESNT DESERVE THAT. I cant believe you would do something like that. I am so mad at you I cant hardly stand it. Youve put my baby brother through more than he should have ever been through. I will never forgive you for doing this to him. Ever.
if she is referring to the counselling, that's up to HIM isn't it?
And stop blaming my actions on my mom. I am the way I am because of ME.
enough said...she's right...leave your anger at her mom somewhere else. You cannot use every mistake the kids make as "evidence" of their mothers sins IF THAT IS WHAT HAPPENED.. I assume you get this now.
NOONE influences me. Ive chosen to do everything. Im the only person that influences myself and what I do and how I do it Nothing mom has done has driven me to be this way and if I ever hear you say that again, there will be consiquences. My mom is an amazing mother. I make all these decisions. I chose to lie if I do, and I chose to walk around town. She lets me know EVERYTHING. Im updated by the hour. She lets me know everything 24/7. You dont know what kind of mother she is cause your so busy making up stories you ignore the truth. Stop blaming others for your own actions. You are a 50 year old man. I would think you were more mature than that, but obviously I was wrong. By the way, even though you refuse to believe it, cousin tried to get me drunk. She got me and my best friend to get her Zanex and Loritabs. And last off, she hit me. Shes lied about everything.
this may be of concern. I tend to believe your d on it. Why lie now?
And the more i think about it, the more I see why you believe her over me. Shes just like you. You both kiss each others ass and its sad. Like I said; your not my father anymore. He wouldnt do this kind of stuff to me and his other children. From now on, your name
to me. A liar and a backstabber."
how did you respond to this?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I guess it just bothers me. Sure cranked up since October! That's when they first hooked up this time. We've only been divorced for 1 year. Right or wrong, it bothers me for my son to be around him. "Her misery or happiness cannot be the index by which you measure YOUR life...but only YOU can change that." How do I change that? I've been taking better care of myself, going to the gym, riding my bicycles, eating more healthy, trying to be more compassionate to myself and others, and interacting with my brother after an 11 year estrangement. And I don't let my anger control me anymore. You think I take my son's love for granted? He lashes out at me often. I'm on the receiving end of his deep seated anger. He can be ruthless...he knows just how to hurr me. I think he knows I love him. I reached out to my daughters tonight with .... "I have a lot of regrets about the way I handled things in the marriage as a h and as a father...while I can never make up for what I did, I'd like to do better from now on. So...what's your schedule like? When can We get together?"... Haven't heard from oldest, but youngest replied with "Ive been busy all break so far." Yes, I do let what you say to me sink in. I am stuck...but I know it and am working at getting unstuck. I have to mentally do it...where the head goes, the heart will follow. I haven't forgiven her. I don't want to hold on to the pain anymore though. Me having pain "this far out"? I've only been divorced a year. And I've only been working on the pain since Halloween. All the rest of the time I've been holding on. My son is finally in counseling, although he's catching hell for it from his mother snd sisters. He is torn. I've caught hell for it too (text message from daughter). His mom never wanted him in counseling after she left. We've been playing a lot. We'll try to laugh more too.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Antlers: It's kind of like you're listening but you're not hearing. But here goes:
1. Take charge. You are the adult here. Make a plan for all 3 kids. Something they would like to do. Something fun. Then tell them when and where and that you'll pick them up. Ask them to RSVP by ... If they decline - that is their right but take son anyway.
2. Make a list of Positives. All the good things in your life. Let me start for you. 1. Career 2. Son lives with you 3. Health and so on...
3. Use the Stop Sign technique I told you about. When you start thinking about ex - put up your Stop Sign and redirect your thoughts to something. Anything. Put on some music. Read a book. Watch a movie. Play a game with son. Stop thinking about it.
4. Get up in the morning and say "Only for today I will" ... (suggestions include - not think about ex, only do things that make me happy, concentrate 100% on son, make a small effort with daughters).
5. Happiness starts with small steps. Small steps do become bigger strides. Do something nice for others and you reap more back to you. And your focus becomes different.
6. Recognize what is inappropriate at this stage. You and your wife are divorced - she can date whoever she wants to. Or move him in. Or marry him. At least he didn't cause the divorce. My husband was running around with OW for months before I even knew. Not just an infidelity - those 2 went everywhere together. It was horrifying! He moved straight from my house to an apt with her and called it their Love Nest. And I got PAST it! By 3 years I was a lot past it. You need to work on this.
7. Listen. Be Proactive. It really strikes me that you keep beating the same drum when you are in counselling and we are all telling you how you can work on yourself. Then you tell us once again about her. We don't need to hear about HER and her opinion of counselling. We need to hear "How's this been working for you".
8. One of the problems here (and with many people on the board - notably more men than women in my humble opinion) is the need for an "instant fix". And it does not happen. No one wants to feel miserable but the longer you put off making the changes - the longer it takes to start feeling better.
I will give you credit for making some changes that are helping. These include exercise, counselling and spending time with your son. But you really need to work on redirecting your thoughts and also on steps to improve your relationship with your daughters. In whatever ways that takes.
Why is your son so angry with you? Are you sure he is angry with you or just angry with the entire situation? It really helps to know in order to help him learn to deal with his hurt and anger as you live with him and you need to be consistent in dealing with it and helping him.
Good morning. My son spent the night with a friend last night. I went to the gym after work. I was home alone. Sure felt 'alone' too
I also reached out to my daughters. Heard back from the youngest, nothing from the oldest. Later last night, late, I also sent youngest the following text... "I hope you can learn to forgive me and let go of past pain because I'd hate for it to affect your happiness or cause you more pain". Haven't heard anything back yet.
I'm leaving in a few minutes. I'm off work today so I I'm headed to the trails for some mountain biking.
SunFunOne...I see you've sent me some information. I'm leaving in a minute and want to give your information the time and contemplation that it deserves. I will read it carefully when I return, and respond to you later this day. Thank you. I did notice the following..."But you really need to work on redirecting your thoughts". Agreed, wholeheartedly. That has to be a priority with me at this point...and I have to become successful at that if I ever want to be happy and whole again. TTYL.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
I'm on my phone here, and on my way to the trails. I thought about something I heard from Magnum P.I. many years ago that stuck with me. The guy said "In order to learn from the past, a man must forgive it". How do y'all feel about that? Agree? Disagree? What do y'all think it means? Do you think it's ever too late to start doing what's right?
I'm at the trailhead now. I'm looking forward to kicking up some endorphins and letting them marinate my gray matter!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Antlers: It's kind of like you're listening but you're not hearing. But here goes:
1. Take charge. You are the adult here. Make a plan for all 3 kids. Something they would like to do. Something fun. Then tell them when and where and that you'll pick them up. Ask them to RSVP by ... If they decline - that is their right but take son anyway.
2. Make a list of Positives. All the good things in your life. Let me start for you. 1. Career 2. Son lives with you 3. Health and so on...
3. Use the Stop Sign technique I told you about. When you start thinking about ex - put up your Stop Sign and redirect your thoughts to something. Anything. Put on some music. Read a book. Watch a movie. Play a game with son. Stop thinking about it.
4. Get up in the morning and say "Only for today I will" ... (suggestions include - not think about ex, only do things that make me happy, concentrate 100% on son, make a small effort with daughters).
5. Happiness starts with small steps. Small steps do become bigger strides. Do something nice for others and you reap more back to you. And your focus becomes different.
6. Recognize what is inappropriate at this stage. You and your wife are divorced - she can date whoever she wants to. Or move him in. Or marry him. At least he didn't cause the divorce. My husband was running around with OW for months before I even knew. Not just an infidelity - those 2 went everywhere together. It was horrifying! He moved straight from my house to an apt with her and called it their Love Nest. And I got PAST it! By 3 years I was a lot past it. You need to work on this.
7. Listen. Be Proactive. It really strikes me that you keep beating the same drum when you are in counselling and we are all telling you how you can work on yourself. Then you tell us once again about her. We don't need to hear about HER and her opinion of counselling. We need to hear "How's this been working for you".
8. One of the problems here (and with many people on the board - notably more men than women in my humble opinion) is the need for an "instant fix". And it does not happen. No one wants to feel miserable but the longer you put off making the changes - the longer it takes to start feeling better.
I will give you credit for making some changes that are helping. These include exercise, counselling and spending time with your son. But you really need to work on redirecting your thoughts and also on steps to improve your relationship with your daughters. In whatever ways that takes.
Why is your son so angry with you? Are you sure he is angry with you or just angry with the entire situation? It really helps to know in order to help him learn to deal with his hurt and anger as you live with him and you need to be consistent in dealing with it and helping him.
1. I'm really not in a position here to take charge. My daughters and I are estranged right now. My youngest has told me I'm not her dad anymore. My oldest ignores me. I still attempt regular communication with them. I reached out to both girls last night (see earlier post). Since then, I texted oldest daughter "I hope you can learn to forgive me daughter, and let go of pain from the past because I would hate for it to affect your happiness or cause you more pain". Today I invited my youngest daughter out to lunch, she responded that she just ate cereal. We texted back and forth for a couple of minutes. Later on I invited her to go hiking this weekend in the mountains (she's mentioned that she wants to do that). She declined, saying she was spending the night with a friend both Friday and Saturday night. I didn't respond to that as I really don't know what to say. My oldest daughter has continued to ignore me. I was off today and told my son that I'd like to spend the day with him doing fun stuff. He hasn't been interested. I've suggested several things and he has declined. I've also asked for his suggestions, and he responds that he doesn't want to. We did play a couple games of air hockey. All he's wanted to do so far is get on FaceBook. Later on this evening he did want to go out to eat, so we went to Johnnie Carino's (his choice). He asked if we could take my mother...so we did.
2. a)RN in the ER with 26 years of experience. b)college degree c)stable job close to home d)son lives with me e)own my own house outright f)good health, especially for 50! g)good road bikes for cycling h)good mountain bikes for trails i)good motorcycles for the road! j)vehicle in great shape k)a couple of good friends l)make a decent income m)re-established relationship with brother n)I have a good heart 0)I'm a good man p)take responsibility for my actions q)I have compassion r)I want to do better s)physically healthy kids
3. I used it today. Several times. While riding this morning I used it. It takes discipline and genuine effort to do this.
4. I did make an effort with my daughters today. Tried to spend QT with son but he wasn't interested. Rode 17.2 miles in the woods on my mountain bike. I will eat a nice meal. I see the importance of "Only for today I will"...I did it today.
5. I am taking small steps. Took some food over to my mom. Visited some with her. Tried to do some good with the kiddos too. I help people every day in my work. But I understand doing more, and being compassionate. Later on this evening, my son and I took my mother out to eat at Johnnie Carino's. It was his idea to take her.
6. I know that I am divorced. I know that my marriage is over. I know that my exW is with another man. I'm workin' on it. I hung on until last Halloween...made no effort at all to get past it...I've been working on getting past it for 2 months. That's all. I know that I'm divorced. I know that my marriage is over. I know that my exW is with another man. (Those are affirmations). I'm workin' on it.
7. I've been stuck. I'll put forth more effort to get unstuck. I know that I've been beating a dead horse. Counseling lets me vent my feelings and emotions, and she provides me with feedback from a professional and rational standpoint...as opposed to an emotional standpoint. It helps me see things differently...much like listening to you folks does.
8. That's me. I want to fix stuff. I don't get to fix the stuff I wanted to...so I have to fix what I can. I've felt miserable for a long time. I've put off taking the steps to healing for a long time. I'm ready to start feeling better. I think learning to redirect my thoughts is key.
I have made some changes that I've mentioned, but redirecting my thoughts is something BIG that I need to do consistently. Your pointers help (Stop Sign). I'm trying to improve my relationship with my daughters. Right now...I believe they do know that I love them and am interested in improving our relationships with each other.
He's not angry with me as much as he's angry with the situation. But since he and I live together, he vents his anger at me...often. He may still also be angry with me because of the past...I don't know. But he is angry with the entire situation. He does not like to talk about emotional stuff...or other stuff that bothers him. So I hope him finally being in counseling will help.
I do not intend to let a word of criticism out of my mouth around my kids ever again.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
