I've always wondered what it would be like to run into XH and OW and just look at her and laugh ;-)
IB you are so awesome. I love your speech, and I would probably craft something similar, but everyone is right. The best thing you can ever do is just be dignified and not say a word!!! Face it. No OW can hear a word you say anyway. It's just a little buzz in her head, like a bee stuck in a glass jar (apologies to John Updike whom I stole that from ;-)
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
Merry Christmas to all of my friends here on the board. I am so grateful and thankful for your advice, concern, support, 2x4's:) - I feel so blessed to have found you all!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
2nd Christmas unmarried (1 separated / 1 divorced). Spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with family and friends. Very thankful. XH called middle D at around 4pm Christmas Day. He and OW were "playing cards". Middle D hangs up and says = "Wow, he's got such a better life." We smile at each other and go on enjoying each other's company.
I am proud of myself for the holiday I provided my kids. Great food - good times.
I would be lying if I said I didn't miss XH. I did - but I missed the man he was - NOT the creep he is today. Crazy thing - son met up with him the other day to work out in the gym. Son came home and said "Mom, it was so embarrassing. My friends were with me and Dad actually smelled so bad!" I just played it down but something is definitely wrong with him.
Here's where I am now - I want a social life. I don't think I am ready for a date yet - but I want to go out. I've signed up for a tennis league and a new gym. I'm hoping that by beginning to surround myself in environments not defined by marital status might help me feel better.
Hoping for a great new year! It's been a LONG time!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
IB, Your Christmas sounds like it was a success and your children confirmed that for you. I'm so sorry that your son was caught off guard about your xh's odor.
You are definitely on the right track to getting out and enjoying the company of others. Good for you!
2012 will be your year!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Merry Christmas, IB. I'm so glad you had a nice one. Remember that it's ok to miss the life you once had as long as you take a few moments to do that and then continue to count your blessings.
Clearly your xh is in crisis. I predict that one day the cards will come crashing down.
No matter, you are on the right track, sweetie. One step at a time, in your own time.
IB you sound good. I applaud your wanting to go out and have a social life. I was doing the social life awhile and then tried the dating and was not ready plus didn't find anyone really worthwhile for me, and the silly thing is that now I have zero interest in dating anymore...and I just want to go out once in awhile and meet people, male and female, and enjoy myself. So in the past week, I got hit on 3 times. I have NO INTEREST. I'm sitting there each time thinking, why can't you guys just TALK to me? Why do you have to have an agenda that you're trying to hook up? Eww.
It kills me. Somehow my NOT wanting to date is a magnet ;-) So be ready: it may happen to you too! But you can do whatever you want, and if you don't want to date and just want to meet people and have fun as you define fun (which for me is pretty darned conservative compared to what some people mean by fun) then that's YOUR choice. You make the rules.
I thought about XH a lot during the holidays as he is still in my head more than 50% of the time, but like you, it's the him that he was before he became an immoral, deceptive, betrayal-rationalizing child. On my way home from my parents' house, I vowed that his antics aren't "excusable" just because he was a wonderful husband for many years. I feel like you are coming to that point too...and guess what?
I think that means that for Christmas, we got our self-respect back. A nice gift, isn't it?
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
You sound well and grounded. Isn't it hard to get over those "A-Ha" moments, where we wonder wth that man is and what he did with the men we married? Glad to hear you Christmas was merry and bright. Here's to next year!
