What else could I have done?

[antlers]

OK - obviously we don't know everything going on with you. But I'm still reading your focus on HER and HER activities and HER new guy. etc. And how SHE doesn't acknowledge what she did to you. Or how SHE influences your kids. You cannot change her or her actions. You can only change YOU. That's one of the things I've been working on just since Halloween...taking the focus off of her and her activities and her new guy, etc. I now realize the futility of wanting her to acknowledge her actions...and even understnad better why she won't! She does influence the kids, but I now fully realize that I have no control over that, but I do have control over my actions and reactions and responses. I know I cannot change her or her actions...I'd rather change my responses to whatever she does to responses that will benefit me and are positive and good for me. I can change me. I have done so, and I will continue to do so.

I know you don't want to talk about the discussion with ex MIL again but you wrote about it again today. "Let it Go" is the advice I gave you last week. But the reason I wrote my last post is because you are writing the same thing over and over again. You are not letting any of it go. I only mentioned it today because I was talking about my daughters and said that they are mad at me because of it. Other than that, I have 'let go' of that exchange with exMIL. I'm working to 'let go' of all of the other painful stuff that I've been holding to. I have made some progress since Halloween. Maybe not much...but some.

That's great that you are making some changes. But, although I do not care for ADs at all - sometimes you need them and it might be worth a consultation regarding your depression again. Often ADs are a lifelong drug although I'm sure know more about them than I do. I'm gonna have to get by without them from here on out. I've been off of them for a long time, and don't want to start them up again. It was a step forward for me to stop them when I did. I need to be stronger mentally than anything else right now...and I'm learning how to do that.

Antlers - sometimes I do kick your ass but I am trying to get you to turn a corner. It's coming up 3 years for you and although we all move forward at a different pace - it seems you've been stuck for a while. In all honesty - I do not think you are over your ex. I think you kept hoping she would come back and now that she is in a committed R (not unusual at the 3 year mark) - the finality is causing the reality of the situation to hit home. I don't mind getting my ass kicked if it'll help me...and I feel like your posts help me. I'm damn ready to turn that corner that you are trying to get me to. I hadn't done much of anything for that 3 years except exist, especially mentally. The 3 years was really an 8 month separation, then a 13 month long divorce, then a post divorce period of just over 1 year. Next February will mark 3 years since our family ceased to exist. I have been stuck, especially mentally...the entire time. At least up until last Oct. 31st. Then I decided to get unstuck. I admit that I'm not over my exW...but for the first time since she left, I want to be! And I feel like that's a step forward. You're exactly right Barb. I did keep hoping that she'd come back. And once I found out that she was in a commited relationship (it was only 1 year after the divorce), the finality is definately causing the reality of the situation to hit home. You nailed it. And that realization has been the catalyst for me to 'let go' and become more focused and move forward in a positive way.

Just trying to read between the lines. Nothing wrong coming here to vent - we have all done it. But we don't usually hear the same thing repeatedly - venting is usually about new developments. You've read pretty accurately. I'll be more happy when I can vent about new developments. Sorry about sounding like a broken record too, but it helps to vent about old feeling and things that aren't good for us too.

Hope your C is helping you and is solution focussed. I think it's helping. The solution is me letting go of the pain that I've been holding on to.