What else could I have done?

[antlers]

Antlers: I have seen a complete outpouring of understanding, listening and wonderful advice here. And you reply that you hear us and thank us then keep going over and over and over again the same thing. Do you really think you can keep doing the same thing over and over and expect a different result?
My post above was a direct response to the things that 25 was saying to me, asking me, etc. But I appreciate all input. I know as well as anyone that I need to 'man up' and take more positive, especially mental, steps. I'm relatively new at the commitment to 'let go' and move forward. I have taken some steps toward doing that, and I actually feel quite good about the progress that I have made since Halloween. I think I'm feeling more sadness in some way because I realize the finality of it, and that when I truly let it go, which I'm destined to do...that is really is a 'done deal'. Certainly if you keep doing the same things, then you're gonna keep getting the same results.
None of us here are therapists. We do commiserate. We do understand. But if you can't get past this or take a small step to make it better - then you need to get professional help. I realize that, although the information gleaned from these pages is pretty remarkable and insightful at times...but it's usually always helpful. I feel like I'm just getting started on getting past this, and I have taken several steps since Halloween. I started seeing a professional counselor since then with the express purpose of helping me let go of the pain I've been holding on to...and moving forward. I started going to the gym regularly, I started back riding my bicycles, I started eating more healthy, and I'm putting forth even more effort to learn to be a better man. I've lost about 35 pounds since Halloween. Those are all steps.

You do mention you are seeing a counsellor but you don't mention how your counsellor is helping you. You don't mention implementing any of our suggestions.
She is pointing things out to me that I haven't thought of before. She is helping me to see things from a different perspective. She is encouraging me to stay in touch with my daughters even though they say, and show, that they want nothing to do with me right now. She is also a sounding board for me to vent. She's helping me to realize that my happiness is now dependent solely on me, and that my exW forgiveness or not doesn't enhance or diminish me. Basically, at this point, nothing about my exW (her thoughts, her feelings, etc.) should add to, or take away from, my value as a human being. These are things she is working with me on...with the goal of helping me to 'let go' of what I'm holdding to.
I don't think there is much here that we can offer. The next step has to come from you. Expecting acceptance of an apology is for you - not for her. Why should she do it? An understanding ear, even if you feel like you're getting nowhere, is helpful regardless. I believe that others still feel like they have something to offer me here. Everybody's time frame is different. And I believe that in some ways I have something to offer others here too. I'm taking steps...they aren't leaps...they're steps. But the end result is that I'm moving forward. I don't expect anything from her, especially acceptance of an apology. She might see that as giving me a clean slate, and she's not gonna be doing that. Understandably. After walking on eggshells for as long as she did, her hatred toward me is justified.

As for your daughters - actions speak louder than words. "the text is stopping me" - is a complete and total copout. I've heard my kids tell their dad they didn't want to see him. But then he tries again and they make the effort and life goes on. Your daughter is your daughter for the rest of her life. YOU need to be the adult here. I do believe that actions speak louder than words. They don't want me in their lives right now. Forcing my way into their lives when they have made it crystal clear that they don't want me there would be wrong. I don't think it's a copout...it's a reality...a setback in the midst of all this crap. It's an expression of their feelings...am I not to honor their requests? I've tried, and when they tell me to leave them alone, which they have, should I continue to force my way in? I did go to court for my daughters shoplifting charge, much to the dismay of her and her mother. And I will be there again at the next court date. I haven't disowned them...they have disowned me. I still love and miss them, and I text that to them on a regular basis. And despite those messages going ignored...I'll continue to do it.

And as we pointed out a long time ago. Did you really think that telling your ex MIL was going to HELP???? Why point out her mistakes when you acknowledge you made many yourself. No sense going over that again. I knew it wouldn't help, but it was important to me for them to know the whole truth instead of just part of it (the part where I messed up so bad that she left). I won't mention it again to them. I am fully responsible for my mistakes, and their consequences. Never denied that form day one. But I have owned my mistakes and feel that I'm better for doing that. She hasn't owned anything, even though her extracurricular activities certain contributed to the separation and divorce. He actions certainly did not diminish what I'd done in any way.

Anyway - please let your supporters here know what you are doing to make the necessary changes. Let us know which advice we've given you that you have actually used. If you keep whining about how unhappy you are but don't do anything about it - do you really think we will continue to make suggestions? We run out of ideas after a while. I'll try to do a better job of letting my supporters here know what I'm doing to get better. And I'll try to do better to let y'all know which advice has helped me, although much of it is subconscious and comes out in my way of thinking and looking at things. And I'll put forth more effort to stop whining about my misery. I know that all folks here have experienced grief, sadness, misery, etc. And I'll try to take even more positive steps and share those here. Again though, some days are better than others for many here...and being able to vent here sometimes helps in and of itself. I appreciate the time you take here, and the effort you put forth here, to kick my ass. And I'm not being sarcastic either.

I think you need to have your depression addressed if it hasn't already and maybe that will make the change for you to be able to make positive changes in your life.
I took anti-depressants for the first 2 years. After that, and on the advice of my friend who is an ER doc and knows me well, I came off of them. I do not want to be on them anymore. I believe I'll be fine...I'm just finally dealing with some stuff that I guess that I'v been putting off. It made me sad to find out that she was in a commited relationship. The finality of 'us'...and the absolute crystal clear realization that I needed to let go in order to move forward made me feel things that I've never felt before.