Journaling...had a good Christmas with the family but the same old same old with the W on the going overboard with the kids front for Christmas - W picked up a bunch more stuff than we talked about (or I knew) and she even "forgot" a couple of things she ended up giving them on 12/26.
Same very selfish stuff with her (some of these minor, but just kills me that I'm always supposed to do what she wants to do (and I go along w/ it, so that part is on me), if it's a movie, going shopping, etc.)...need to figure out when to turn to "R" talk (in terms of where we are, me wanting to separate, etc.)...
2 years of limbo have definitely worn me down and, selfishly, I have a lot of work travel coming this year and worried how any agreement would look upon that if it the kids would stay in the house w/ me (maybe a live in nanny or some other "mother's/father's helper" plus friends (and my W, of course).
My last IC visit did definitely solidify to me that I've more than bent over backwards while she tried to figure all of this out (and that I do need to enforce my boundary of no contact with the OM if she wants to stay together)...just a little bent that I'm still attracted to her despite all of this (something I am trying to process through myself).
Happy almost 2012...looking to be a doozy of a year.
