Peicing and hoping I'm doing the right thing.

[FreeBird0120]

I truly hope and pray that all of my DB family and friends had a blessed holiday.

It's now back to the grind, and time for another update:

So over all our Christmas was pretty good. H has still been trying to show more affection and we spent a lot of quality time together this past week which I enjoyed tremendously. For the last week prior to Christmas I started feeling more confident in us and more secure. I knew that would only last for a little while though as I realize I'm still on this roller coaster ride from hell as we are piecing. Piecing is so DANG HARD!!

Christmas Eve however, H started to seem a little off. I don't know how to explain it, I could just feel that something was off. I tried not to read too much into it as I realize that the holidays are a very stressful time, and we are still going through so much. I tried to be as supportive as I could even though I was falling apart inside with absolute tangible fear. Fear that he was missing OW, fear he would call her to wish her happy holidays, fear that all of this was becoming too much for him. Just so much fear.

Twice now he's ended up on the couch. Once because he woke up in the middle of the night and the second because he'd originally fallen asleep on the couch. When I tried to wake him up for bed, he was very irritated. I just ignored it, but those two nights he didn't so much as face me in bed. Lately we've been cuddling a lot, so when he got in bed and turned his back to me, of course I started thinking the worst.

Now with his new business, he's been working long hours, which I understand and have expected, but I still get scared that with him being away so much, it will be so much easier and more tempting to be in contact with OW. Because I don't fully trust him right now my mind goes to every possible scenerio involving their convo's and meet-ups...even if they aren't happening right now...I feel like I'm going crazy, so again I ask is this my intuition speaking to me, or am I just paranoid and expecting the worst, because he lied to me so much.

UGH!!! I feel like a psycho woman!!!

BTW, I missed all of you guys!!

All my love,
FB <3